Fear and Loathing...Part 2

part II
What is it you intend to do with your one wild and precious life? ("A Summer Day"-Mary Oliver Brown)

Posing this question to myself used to exhilarate me.  Lately, I just sort of glumly answer, "this, I guess."  And by-the-bye, my "this" is good stuff, no, great stuff.  Since penning the first half of this post (see "Fear and Loathing) I have had a bit of an epiphany.  It is not really about relocation or a move across town (both of which I have made some very serious plays for). It is that I am having some angst at facing the next stage of my life.

Without my realizing it, I had completed a major part of my life cycle.
*Marry a great guy who "gets me" and makes killer blueberry waffles-check.
*Figure out what I want to be when I grow up-check.
*Deliver two amazing human beings into the world-check.

So into the throes of family planning was I, that, like a bride after her wedding day, I was unprepared for the emotional upheaval of mission accomplished.  Finally having put all of this together it is apparent that my real trouble was never with my locale (although I am not suddenly a  parka  lover) but a trouble with feeling that this family was at the end, out of options; our story written.

THIS IS IT.

Fear and Loathing in Lawrence

I am California Dreaming, but on such a spring day? It doesn't even make sense. Winter is over. What gives with the atlas gazing and frequent visits to findmyspot.com FYI-this is a site that gives overviews of cities and really not naughty at all. Somehow the spring thaw has yet to happen in my psyche. This winter left me bereft. I am so out of love with this, the town of my heart. Instead of buoyant at the change in season I feel a sense of impending doom. I have to get out before "it" happens all over again.

Frankly, I am obsessed. All I think about is life somewhere else. I am so consumed that I actually found myself wondering where "Clifford the Big Red Dog" is set. There seems to be proximity to the ocean, constant blue skies, and people/dogs who seem cheerful without the use of a sun lamp. In case you don't set your child in front of moving images (aka-tv) and don't know-this is a cartoon. Hence, it is not really set anywhere and unlikely to hold the answer to all of my location related woes.

What gives and what is it all about? I hail from western Kansas and should be made of heartier stock. Is this some kind of mid-life crisis (titillating future post alert-more on that very real possibility right around the bend). Do I have some kind of bona-fide seasonal affective disorder? In which case, don't I owe it to myself to live my best life?