Anywho, what is up with new moms who are "not going to change?" Perhaps I can also pose this question to Myself Circa 2006. For more fun, mayhaps I will include a list of pronouncements and proclamations that I made while kid #1 was in the metaphorical oven.
But I digress. Not change? Seriously people, you aren't going to change? Anything? Besides the many, many technical impossibilities of this (no matter how many sexy teenage vampire novels you read, you're not friggin immortal) there ar
e a slew of great reasons to consider the possibility of making a few changes with parenthood.And I will not keep you waiting any longer, that's right, I am going to go ahead and list of some them right now!
Look up the definition of change. Change is necessary, evolutionary, and keeps us from hair-spraying our bangs up towards the heavens. Perhaps you mean you aren't going to start making a bunch of "concessions". This is different than changes. Figure out what you really mean when you say this. And by the by the concessions began the minute you conceived. Willingly hosting a fetus for 9 months is as a big a concession as one ever makes in my opinion.
Ask yourself why not? I implore you not to in any way constrict your heart during the single most transformation experience of your life. Revel in your re-birth. Get to the know the new you, the person who is now a mother. And don't judge her until you've walked a mile in her shoes. It now astounds me that I SERIOUSLY almost took a job I didn't want, that I SERIOUSLY ignored my heart for some months, just because I felt sheepish about how much I ran my mouth about stay-at-home-moms. This is probably a bad example because it is divisive and emotionally loaded, but my point is that I did not have peace until I reconciled myself to the fact that I had changed, big time, and it was okay. More than okay; wonderful, necessary, imperative, and exciting.
I don't know how you feel you about sweat pants, sex, mini-vans, or play groups. But I do know (manifesto violation alert!!!) that there is no point in signing up for this if you are going to keep all the focus on yourself, fancy that you are some kind of ultra-glamorous celeb, and insist that you be amazing at all times. Maybe you will never do something just because it is more practical or let your highlights go. But if you aren't willing to clean out the old ideological closet then I can assure you that you are going to miss a lot. And miss the opportunity to meet someone amazing. You, as a mom.
Maybe making declarations isn't pathological. Maybe it is just trying to hang on to some semblance of yourself that feels familiar during a terrifying and whirlwind time. We will all do it, and inevitably on at least some of our items we will eat our words. The only harm done is when we can't let old ideas go to make room for the new and when we make our lists at the expense of other, less cool women.
Do what makes you feel comfortable, relevant, sexy, and at peace with yourself. But achieve that without judging others. Seriously folks, if driving a certain kind of vehicle or visiting the public library isn't for you, fine, but cut the too cool for school bullshit. Last time I checked you weren't being followed by the paparazzi. And if you see a mom getting take out in sweats
, don't judge her. She was probably a lazy fat ass before she had kids. (I kid, I kid).Okay, as promised, my list....
ridiculous and embarrassing 2006 pronouncements
I will never:
-take a trip with children
-stay at home. There are two kinds of women, women who work and women who stay home. I am the kind that works. On and on about this.
-call my husband "dad". (this was actually pre-2006 and out the door within 5 minutes of having a dog).
-say I am "too tired for sex." I am actually tired from laughing about that.
-Drive a mini-van. I still don't. But...if the right small-ish van walked into my life I wouldn't kick it out of the drive-way.
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