tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27463975012706329702024-03-05T04:51:40.683-06:00Hey Mothers, Let's Be Sisters!Essays on creating community from withinSister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-40013163451318321412011-06-29T14:02:00.000-05:002011-06-29T14:02:20.766-05:00Someday is Not a Real Day<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSZGvXCflE5McicYnpMN4asDCHoFYZOsOq8pu759NiUZvFQA1_AIiYwAoqBqWhAR3GTzNcO8OfW7-k4X9uUb6L3WMnJQQmlDW8N99R7R-foqpNcip1pYRu2fbvDSm2fjqx5nfR-b5yPs/s1600/WORRY.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSZGvXCflE5McicYnpMN4asDCHoFYZOsOq8pu759NiUZvFQA1_AIiYwAoqBqWhAR3GTzNcO8OfW7-k4X9uUb6L3WMnJQQmlDW8N99R7R-foqpNcip1pYRu2fbvDSm2fjqx5nfR-b5yPs/s200/WORRY.jpg" width="133" /></a><br />
There's just so much about this world I can not reconcile -- especially my children with this World. Since having kids I have had many a personal reckoning about risk, inevitably, and control. I have been pleasantly surprised that motherhood has provided amazing perspective and did not send me over the edge ... at least so far. (I realize we all live very, very close to the edge.) <br />
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But lately ... lately I have been thinking quite a bit about the fierce urgency of <b>now</b>. That is, what are those things about my local and global community which I can and <i>must</i> push back against? What are the things that I should not, now, or ever, reconcile myself to?<br />
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You know that great Pablo Casals quote about how me must, "work to make this world worthy of its children." As vague and bumper sticker-ishly generic as it first seems, I love it for its truth and its broad applicability. Posed as a question to oneself, it actually becomes quite meaningful: what work <u><i>am</i></u> I doing to make this world worthy of our children?<br />
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Time is neutral, but action is value-driven and motion-driven. Leonard Pitts recently wrote an article about the death of two seminal figures in civil rights history. His point was that time alone does not drive change. It is the <i>actions</i> of people such as those profiled in his article that change the world:<br />
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<span class="dropcap-large"> <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">"C</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">all it the myth of inevitability. It is the mind-set that says enlightenment and progress are the inescapable byproducts of time ... time doesn't bring change. <i>People</i> bring change over time ... human progress does <i>not</i> roll in on 'wheels of inevitability.' Change is a conscious decision." -<a href="http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/editorial/outlook/6976952.html" target="_blank">Leonard Pitts, April 26th 2010</a></span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7Wu6-6SyCz974p2FNUa9iZlG63M6D7PITeEm85zEtSbVkSqGtIfp1sppSBHpBn1OPIHVjkCzk4vo4nDMbTjQApPhtgYJh2mHrQpMU06UQKrpiFF2XFmRdR1lmvVxSyL8C7tLwxBBr1hI/s1600/clock+tower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7Wu6-6SyCz974p2FNUa9iZlG63M6D7PITeEm85zEtSbVkSqGtIfp1sppSBHpBn1OPIHVjkCzk4vo4nDMbTjQApPhtgYJh2mHrQpMU06UQKrpiFF2XFmRdR1lmvVxSyL8C7tLwxBBr1hI/s200/clock+tower.jpg" width="149" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doc Brown urgently wanted<br />
to save the clock tower.<br />
What is your passion?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div id="TixyyLink" style="background-color: transparent; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div id="TixyyLink" style="background-color: transparent; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div id="TixyyLink" style="background-color: transparent; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">As my beautiful, strong, big kid loves to say, <b>"Someday is not a real day!"</b> After learning the days of the week she is wise to the lame art of procrastination and inaction. I am, finally and thankfully, off my ass and out of the confines of my head on a few issues. Before my kid learned the days of the week, many things felt too broad and daunting to even know where to start. But with her help I am learning to get specific, realistic and action-oriented. At the time of this writing those are <a href="http://www.safekidsdouglascounty.org/" target="_blank">pedestrian safety</a>, less driving, and my family's favorite collective cause: <a href="http://www.lawrencehumane.org/" target="_blank">shelter animals</a>.</div><div id="TixyyLink" style="background-color: transparent; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1ON5hmn2OnqlZ8WbaRe84t6B9uFd28GJ5KNtUlZCWxD-QPS9T2iWojb8GwvocRrcBBPCU5XUxAzmKJnDhAtbyVPNyxq7osHjttCQtcE8-jpYqaGdu9AAfFQKWwBEOf8-5nRNwak6llg/s1600/to+do+list.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1ON5hmn2OnqlZ8WbaRe84t6B9uFd28GJ5KNtUlZCWxD-QPS9T2iWojb8GwvocRrcBBPCU5XUxAzmKJnDhAtbyVPNyxq7osHjttCQtcE8-jpYqaGdu9AAfFQKWwBEOf8-5nRNwak6llg/s320/to+do+list.jpg" /></a></div><br />
So let's hear it sisters and brothers. What will you not put up with? What is untenable to you and do you actively seek to change? Do you involve your children?</div><div id="TixyyLink" style="background-color: transparent; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><br />
</div>t.e.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08065828989248127249noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-75876635480247097442011-06-16T22:24:00.000-05:002011-06-16T22:24:37.822-05:00Hear Ye, Hear Ye...This little project has lead me down roads I never expected. To better understand the judgments and defensiveness of some parents (like, ahem, the parent writing this blog), I have learned about the ego center, neurology, biology, evolution, culture, and even a healthy dose of Buddhism.<br />
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In an effort to understand "the mommy wars", I actually came to understand more about war. The wars within, amongst ourselves, across the globe, and of course the cola wars. BTW-I think we should all drink RC. They didn't participate, ergo they must be peace loving.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSubRj3CERj1y_US7kfUMiqzgegrUknPvQ2bPRZ3Ps-tUHlCWc5Hcu1910rkNB63nAWVGB1RreLGccm8WfNDcWUup_6EnEcEJ3NY2R0uJXfigYvmnOIfbWHvHJ3YQsFAbn-etAsX8gsfU/s1600/cola+wars.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSubRj3CERj1y_US7kfUMiqzgegrUknPvQ2bPRZ3Ps-tUHlCWc5Hcu1910rkNB63nAWVGB1RreLGccm8WfNDcWUup_6EnEcEJ3NY2R0uJXfigYvmnOIfbWHvHJ3YQsFAbn-etAsX8gsfU/s1600/cola+wars.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband got to be in this <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stan_Herd">Stan Herd</a>. So cool! He's the cute one in red.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</tbody></table>But then I had a thought. What if it is simple? What if we are just really jazzed about our choices? Now, readers, DO NOT FRET. I will not stop exploring and extrapolating. I will play this concept out like the Jason/Halloween series. But in all sincerity, I do believe that part of the equation really is simple enthusiasm for what works, pride in our values, and an eagerness to share.<br />
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Sure, it <i>may</i> seem a little egocentric to think your way is best and that your ideas could potentially bring about world peace, but who hasn't started a sentence with, "If I were queen..." ?<br />
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Well friends, here is your opportunity. Espouse. Evangelize. Proselytize. I want to hear what choices you are most proud of. What behavior do you wish everyone would adopt? Here is a quick run down of my royal proclamations. You will be ready for the law of the land should we ever move to a monarchy and my bloodline leaves me in charge...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNLfwLSQjre4xqLRKZHzAOA0hJJg4QCu1wFhmh5y8g_d29bjQe4gNbHrAcRxvhXXiI3IfL7GNC-Ewx4K8kfcRHZ8NppCu7fnion6xwZFVqgYPjzXAI-3_v0FnDAjCJn-fdVk9d6Wq8XtQ/s1600/cartoon_princess_st6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNLfwLSQjre4xqLRKZHzAOA0hJJg4QCu1wFhmh5y8g_d29bjQe4gNbHrAcRxvhXXiI3IfL7GNC-Ewx4K8kfcRHZ8NppCu7fnion6xwZFVqgYPjzXAI-3_v0FnDAjCJn-fdVk9d6Wq8XtQ/s1600/cartoon_princess_st6.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is supposed to be me. When I am queen you all have to <a href="http://www.drawingcoach.com/cartoon-princess.html">learn to draw it.</a> And then doodle it lovingly. Yes, I AM wise and fair.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>1. <b>Take your shoes off!</b> We are a <a href="http://fcs.tamu.edu/housing/healthy_homes/indoor_air_quality/household_cleaning_products/index.php">shoes off house</a> because it is an easy way to reduce indoor pollution. That makes my house cleaner and safer for my babes. And it means I have to sweep way less. I want my idea to sweep the nation, so we can all sweep our floors less. Clever, no?<br />
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2. <b>Thrift it up, yo! </b>We are a tried and true hand-me-down family. Though <a href="http://jamiedunham.wordpress.com/2010/10/24/marketing-to-moms-4-reasons-for-thrift-shopping/">thrifting,</a> consignment, garage sales, and cast-offs, we strive to reduce our consumption of brand-new items. This shrinks our carbon footprint and our participation in rampant commercialism, consumerism, and questionable manufacturing and labor practices.<br />
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3.<b> Teach and model pro-social behaviors.</b> Good manners, good social skills, and empathy are the other social lubricant.They help us all <a href="http://social.jrank.org/pages/526/Prosocial-Behavior.html">live together more peacefully</a>. I will do my best to make sure my kids don't give yours a black eye, cover their coughs, and show compassion and respect to those around them.<br />
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That was AWESOME! My crown jewels are practically glowing. Your turn!Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-35894764332871326982011-06-09T13:44:00.001-05:002011-06-09T13:45:19.463-05:00making sweet love to my vacuum, part II of II<div style="text-align: right;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_130530280413440" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You know what I hate? House work. You know what I love? Self care. I looooove doing things like running, pedicures, and girls-night-out under the auspices of "taking good care of myself". If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134145" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJrFcfoadK0T7bvmkGX099U3AXUXTkqF5hO6yZj72HWAZFIgzdIaPTCYLIEdiqFDaQqonDCAzYRm9ysnP1HRWRLPsE_lhfwXnSTtE0X_awKDzjbVHVXKOWFslSJ5egvGGzKdYUleg-iD4/s1600/home-spa-300x199.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJrFcfoadK0T7bvmkGX099U3AXUXTkqF5hO6yZj72HWAZFIgzdIaPTCYLIEdiqFDaQqonDCAzYRm9ysnP1HRWRLPsE_lhfwXnSTtE0X_awKDzjbVHVXKOWFslSJ5egvGGzKdYUleg-iD4/s200/home-spa-300x199.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134146" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Let's put the om in mom, can I get a what-what? Sourced from <a href="http://admin.fashioningchange.com/2011/05/spa_mo/">Fashioning Change</a>.</span></div></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134146" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">So imagine the hole that got ripped in the fabric of my universe while reading Ms. Mindbody's <a href="http://www.msmindbody.com/blog/self-care-questionnaire-meagan-francis-the-happiest-mom/">blog interview</a> with "Happiest Mom" author Meagan Francis:</div></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134244" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i> </i></div></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134244" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>What have your forays into the world of wellness taught you about yourself? </i><br />
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One thing I learned is that the different components of my life are all interwoven. The state of my home, the state of my body, the state of my finances, the state of my work, the state of my mind…they all affect the way I feel overall. So, say, cleaning out a closet or balancing my checkbook can be forms of self-care. They help me feel good about the holistic picture that is me, and my life. -May, 2011</div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134247" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134258" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">While my head spun around and my mouth produced a paper ticker saying "does not compute"-- admittedly, something deep inside resonated with understanding. I <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> feel better when I am on top of my housework. Unfortunately, this is only when I am getting company. Thus, I am frequently out of sorts and stressed out by the very environment that has the potential to restore balance and nourishes my family's soul.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134377" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBQa0fHE8y0BpCkodFmhCpy0j6LgK0Idcgmp6yqPhJdwl1END7VuYMy1A4Hqk1wIgla5GVReWuMa0Zo4sER68SAHaHK8YJVzuOfyO53-hPI537nVnQs8rtF6MgOhghSNXVopggl5J0mGw/s1600/dyson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBQa0fHE8y0BpCkodFmhCpy0j6LgK0Idcgmp6yqPhJdwl1END7VuYMy1A4Hqk1wIgla5GVReWuMa0Zo4sER68SAHaHK8YJVzuOfyO53-hPI537nVnQs8rtF6MgOhghSNXVopggl5J0mGw/s1600/dyson.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341019" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I never thought of my<a href="http://www.dyson.com/store/hmc.asp"> Dyson </a>as sexy....but maybe with a little Al Green and the right bottle of red?</span></div></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341020" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341336" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Moment of truth...I have the time. I dvr Glee and blog, sooo....the answer isn't in better methodology of cleaning (although I HEART Method cleaning products), or time saving cleaning tips, but rather a re-frame that involves me seeing taking care of this space as another way to take care of myself.<br />
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I know the satisfaction and calm that follows routine upkeep (or I have heard about it anyway). So, if I can make the switch to seeing cleaning as something I am doing for me, for my sanity, for a more serene and lovely space...then maybe I will run the vacuum? Yes, I know that sentence ended with a question mark. It was a question. We shall see, gentle readers. </div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341209" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341345" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In the interim--I want to hear from you. <b>What is the activity that is good for your body, mind and soul that you continually resist doing? Why do humans so often not engage in the very behaviors that would improve our quality of life? </b></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341345" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341345" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2l05a-UWu2puQaDdxf7yMkvIDygF3zSw4d-g0zdMwXu1IT5gp8n-kOgc6wOIp549T7qdX1flBc6TzGn9rQfoa-ObkuIjUYsxkX1vPjlOvajFny4SQGrVFKfLmylIn3VbWhRXZxbIeZlc/s1600/antibackitchenspray_orangezest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2l05a-UWu2puQaDdxf7yMkvIDygF3zSw4d-g0zdMwXu1IT5gp8n-kOgc6wOIp549T7qdX1flBc6TzGn9rQfoa-ObkuIjUYsxkX1vPjlOvajFny4SQGrVFKfLmylIn3VbWhRXZxbIeZlc/s200/antibackitchenspray_orangezest.jpg" width="183" /></a>And second moment of truth...neither Dyson nor Method paid me a red cent for my fine endorsements. But if they did, I would scrap this BS and use the money to hire a housekeeper.<br />
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</div><div><a href="http://www.methodhome.com/">Method products </a>are awesome. They are all-natural and last FOREVER. (if you only use them twice a year).</div></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_13053028041341345" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-73813246669515287002011-06-01T13:24:00.000-05:002011-06-01T13:24:23.008-05:00Go ask Alice, part I of II<div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134378" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Everyone knows <i>that</i> person--the girl who dates every loser in a 120 mile radius...the person who forks over a billion dollars on exercise equipment, but the only workout they ever get on their treadmill is when they jump up and down because they stubbed their toe on said treadmill. </div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134819" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134820" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Yeah, that is totes me with housework. Subscriptions to organization and lifestyle magazines? Check. Browsing blogs and websites that are filled with enviable (and clean) spaces? Check. Bouts of manic cleaning with a toothbrush that end in lists, charts, and resolutions? Check. </div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134839" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAMIKsh_7CaBqMyAbVJXvcbNZi-QVHYQwAw2xRJrolTsSjAUj3C6gvVpmc9YbiBWfDLOL0IziJgP-ibyTFxzNzbbk-RyRmHMWDjLL24SndCYe_X8S8OxBMpiST6EculC9jLzUHNsSt1mo/s1600/beautifulhome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAMIKsh_7CaBqMyAbVJXvcbNZi-QVHYQwAw2xRJrolTsSjAUj3C6gvVpmc9YbiBWfDLOL0IziJgP-ibyTFxzNzbbk-RyRmHMWDjLL24SndCYe_X8S8OxBMpiST6EculC9jLzUHNsSt1mo/s200/beautifulhome.jpg" width="170" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sourced from one of my faves, <a href="http://theinspiredroom.net/2008/08/25/beautiful-bathrooms/">the inspired room. </a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134840" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In "<a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2011/01/get-real.html">Get Real</a>", I explored the thought that being unhappy with my house was really just another way to be unhappy with my life; to judge myself and miss all the REAL beauty that surrounds me. And I was not off base with this. Our consumer society screams at us to be discontent-- to make our homes better and more tricked out. Loving your life as it is would kill the GDP. Do you really want to have all that numerical blood on your hands?</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134937" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134938" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">BUT....flexibility<i> is</i> a sign of mental health. So, I am tinkering with the idea that happiness may lay somewhere <span style="font-weight: bold;">between</span> coveting material items and trying to see the beauty in a tumble week of dog hair...that I don't show pride in my beautiful home by getting on Ikea.com <span style="font-weight: bold;">OR</span> by writing haiku about tub rings...but rather by, (gasp), <span style="font-style: italic;">mopping my floors.</span></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134938" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnv5NJAF9GZyWXHmMwGerDzhSPzzIqshBSf9YAITMLE7n-XCKL-QT9YOL4kpYyDtshg9IZ3LtNL7Sxz55w2yWdruWtkskT2NfrSHgIEbxcI22W_0M2Iy7A5Z8GV6du2tpXK_i93KKg_zY/s1600/alice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnv5NJAF9GZyWXHmMwGerDzhSPzzIqshBSf9YAITMLE7n-XCKL-QT9YOL4kpYyDtshg9IZ3LtNL7Sxz55w2yWdruWtkskT2NfrSHgIEbxcI22W_0M2Iy7A5Z8GV6du2tpXK_i93KKg_zY/s200/alice.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134938">I hope that the Brady Bunch and Sam the Butcher knew how lucky they were...image from <a href="http://bradybunch.wikia.com/wiki/Alice_Nelson">bradywikia</a><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />
</span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div id="yui_3_2_0_3_1305302804134938" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Channel your inner-Alice and give me your best tips and tricks, whatever puts you in the frame of mind to get it on...</span></div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-39391945424611223782011-05-21T10:00:00.003-05:002011-05-21T11:05:06.445-05:00who loves you, baby?Who do you love? Conjure up your mental list.<br />
<br />
Now, let me rephrase the question...who do you love-- absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally, <i>exactly</i> as they are? If you are anything like me, your list just got a whole lot shorter.<br />
<br />
Next, think of how good it feels to bask in the presence of someone who truly loves and accepts you. Warts and all. Think of how freeing and liberating it is share with that person; to simply <i>be</i> with that person. What a gift. And one we should aspire to give as well as receive.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKg66FhAHc_1IeXhsLUN2OEclzO-Ys5fF3oEbXyDKTf2XkUUMqrFcSaHCLGUNIocPvjgub59sGJ5OSX7aD5tNDYvUupEe14P5M-qKLTJ6rMB5ahEq79hjZ1oeIFs2uNZMRjMcEw_hYTo/s1600/gparents.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKg66FhAHc_1IeXhsLUN2OEclzO-Ys5fF3oEbXyDKTf2XkUUMqrFcSaHCLGUNIocPvjgub59sGJ5OSX7aD5tNDYvUupEe14P5M-qKLTJ6rMB5ahEq79hjZ1oeIFs2uNZMRjMcEw_hYTo/s200/gparents.jpg" width="135" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">My grandparents loved me SO well. They also always had<a href="http://cheez-it.com/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=cheeze-its&utm_content=Misspellings&utm_campaign=Intention-Brand"> Cheez-Its </a>at their house; hence I have an association between love and Cheez-Its. I am going to eat some Cheez-Its now. (not a joke). </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span> <br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">But how do we start ? (orange font to denote Cheez-It hands). </span>How do we turn off the ego, the defense of self, the sense of disgust that someone out there might like foie gras? <br />
<br />
Rick Elias, whose plane nearly crashed in 2010, thinks he may have found the answer, "...in my humanity, I also allowed my ego to get in, I wasted time that mattered on people who mattered, on things that did not matter...I no longer try and be right, I try and be happy." 2011 TED Talk.<br />
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Spend 3 minutes listening to his<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/05/08/elias.plane.crash/index.html?hpt=Sbin"> entire talk </a>and how theses sentiments relate to parenting; you won't be sorry.<br />
<br />
Please share someone who loved you very purely...how do you channel their spirit and infuse your interactions with this kind of love? What are your challenges in doing so, and how do you overcome them? Thank you. Sometimes I find you distasteful and your person offensive. JK-I love you, <i>for real</i>...and I am working on loving you better.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb8vPeSRX8jvemVxQvyApBuu-A7r0YoV-bw10xh2Cry4rTmYX5A60cWeyHC39j2pyUjzoC0VPlIzT5qGYbidLEAZHS5Q5TTUKoC_Vh5c6WIiriGr8vjd4S9pNBHsmlEvHzGX06WbXo0Bk/s1600/peeps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb8vPeSRX8jvemVxQvyApBuu-A7r0YoV-bw10xh2Cry4rTmYX5A60cWeyHC39j2pyUjzoC0VPlIzT5qGYbidLEAZHS5Q5TTUKoC_Vh5c6WIiriGr8vjd4S9pNBHsmlEvHzGX06WbXo0Bk/s200/peeps.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
PS-for more explorations on loving peeps better, please visit my friend's new and excellent blog, <a href="http://loveandpeacekay.blogspot.com/">"Love and Peace or Else.</a>" And I know what you are thinking..."I couldn't possibly love peeps any better." But check out this idea of plopping one in your hot chocolate or latte from <a href="http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/look/look-peeps-in-hot-chocolate-045883">Ohdeedoh!</a> See! We can all love peeps better.Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-68986492564319790922011-05-13T12:09:00.000-05:002011-05-13T12:09:54.546-05:00A thank you note my mom didn't make me writeDear Readers,<br />
<br />
This is a thank you note. To you, for the community you built here on my blog. Below is a random thank you note that really has nothing to do with this post but is from what is, hands down, the coolest blog around, <a href="http://thxthxthx.com/">thxthxthx</a>. Check it out. (but don't be an ingrate, read your thank you card first, okay?)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3AQwUN9Z-4zlX2UZ_V-8AFiRc0RKFdZomYARvZFBM285FCITtFmQ9kNKdq5bHWeSLGeRyorUI1nlPuk_IwacRgspFJmEo0iqHn7Sw-VkovaslIeKkS9WQiU9W_xkKb8c0PrSZTXQZ3FY/s1600/thx_147.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="139" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3AQwUN9Z-4zlX2UZ_V-8AFiRc0RKFdZomYARvZFBM285FCITtFmQ9kNKdq5bHWeSLGeRyorUI1nlPuk_IwacRgspFJmEo0iqHn7Sw-VkovaslIeKkS9WQiU9W_xkKb8c0PrSZTXQZ3FY/s200/thx_147.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table> Now onto the business of thanking you.<br />
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"In a community of relationships, we are less judgmental and more forgiving of each other so as not burn bridges. In a community of relationships, I come to know that you want the best for me, so when you help me question my own thinking, I can more easily hear it and not get defensive." <a href="http://www.kristinmaschka.com/">Kristin Maschka.</a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>The author contends that this can not happen online. And while I wholeheartedly agree that we need real, face-to-face time to nurture our non-virtual relationships...something very real and very magical <i> is</i> happening with the "Hey Mothers" community.<br />
<br />
There is some difference because I personally know so many of my readers. But I don't know <i>all </i>of you, and you certainly don't all know each other. Still our exchanges feel safe, positive, kind, and productive. Even those who don't comment online have let me know through emails, actual mail, and phone calls that they feel exactly the same way.<br />
<br />
I am so grateful to each of you. You have totally flipped me on issues, given me ideas I never would have thought of, called out my errors, and supported me. I marvel at my immediate access to wisdom, advice, tips, tricks, and thought provoking conversation. I don't know how anyone parents without a blog, I just know I wouldn't want to. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibbhAFL35omUnhs54cUvFnmPtASsbwmec-QDnspYrha6YqAk6E5N_mV1wJb8CX3lF8vNM7T5VVM24NpB1Wd7b08Y8k6ndASApG4WiJ5z-usfaIJqUQsbW6gK-T_2AEubM4TlT92sIOzY0/s1600/WarrenSarahAilMotherClifto.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibbhAFL35omUnhs54cUvFnmPtASsbwmec-QDnspYrha6YqAk6E5N_mV1wJb8CX3lF8vNM7T5VVM24NpB1Wd7b08Y8k6ndASApG4WiJ5z-usfaIJqUQsbW6gK-T_2AEubM4TlT92sIOzY0/s200/WarrenSarahAilMotherClifto.jpg" width="178" /></a></u></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here is my great-grandma parenting without a blog. And yet she still smiled. People were so brave back then.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So now I want to hear from you. How do blogs and message boards influence your parenting and your life? What rules for civil discourse do you take into the virtual world? Why are we so awesome? What other great blogs can you share? How do you build your non-virtual village? What groups and activities help you process and parent at your best?<br />
<br />
Lots of love and gratitude to you, gentle readers!<br />
-Sister1Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-45730688653878707692011-05-04T19:13:00.002-05:002011-05-18T16:41:47.026-05:00Confessions of a Melty-Downy Mom (and a winner!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8GVPwWPkbMp__lUIo9fC5mACPvb61Cb6HHrwsoAj70LmkVFNulz9JkyX6D7giw9dZYloy-ahdu-NjQzfPB575gVVy7MjbHilwfF7popXqATZzZz9CYeyf0pPK9xdeYTDGhMbdRaSunGQ/s1600/screaming-woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8GVPwWPkbMp__lUIo9fC5mACPvb61Cb6HHrwsoAj70LmkVFNulz9JkyX6D7giw9dZYloy-ahdu-NjQzfPB575gVVy7MjbHilwfF7popXqATZzZz9CYeyf0pPK9xdeYTDGhMbdRaSunGQ/s200/screaming-woman.jpg" width="152" /></a></div>Thank you all for your terrific responses and stories from <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2011/04/pick-that-up-embracing-your-inner-crazy.html">MeltDown Town</a>. To be fair, I figured I should share my best (to date) humdinger of a meltdown.<br />
<br />
It goes like this: I get pregnant with my second child and begin reading copious amounts on birth order, sibling peace/rivalry, parenting fairly, etc. etc. I actively involve Big Kid to get her ready. I brace myself for feelings of shock or jealousy. I envision myself dealing with regressions, temper tantrums, and outbursts in a calm, dignified, saintly manner. <br />
<br />
And then, after all the sweet anticipation (and 39 weeks of puking) we become a family of four. I wait, and wait. Nada, nothing ... zip. The same happy, sunny kid I have known for nearly three years seems to vacillate between adoring her sister and just obliviously going about her business. Um, could it really be this easy? What, my friends, was all the fuss about? I start thinking ... "<i>nailed it</i>." <br />
<br />
And then<b> the big day came,</b> the one I had prepared for, practiced for over and over with mental dress rehearsals. I walked in to find Big Kid pinching her sister -- with a focused intensity. Little Kid is screaming, her arm welting up. So what do I do? Well, I make sure Little Kid is okay then I calmly remove Big Kid from the situation and talk to her about her feelings. Then, through music, movement, and art we come up with some creative ways to handle frustrations with her baby sister.<br />
<br />
Okay, not really.<br />
<br />
I grab Big Kid. I hold onto her by her arms. I look in her face. And to my child, my child that I love so much it hurts, I say...."<i>You are a horrible, rotten child.</i>" Oh gentle readers, it still makes my heart ache. We both burst into tears. We both went running to our respective dad/husband. Me screaming, "I just did something horrible," and her screaming, "Mommy called me a 'rot child', mommy called me a 'rot child,' WHAT IS A 'ROT CHILD?'". We both seemed to understand the gravity of the situation. It was a bonafide <b>meltdown.</b><br />
I was sick with regret, and my heart felt like a brick in my chest. I sobbed in my room. What was wrong with me? Why had I reacted so improperly? Said such horrid things? And this was just the worst. The fact is, nearly daily I react with lack of patience and wisdom. Instead I -- whatever the opposite of <i>"nail it"</i> is. ("screwed it?") <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I try hard. Really hard. I read, I talk, I ask (you mostly). I do improve; I listen more, I ask more open-ended questions. I consider how fleeting and precious childhood is. And this <i>all </i>helps. And yet, I AM a bit high-strung, and I will NEVER nail it. At least not every minute of every day. Try as I might, there are times my voice will go up an octave over something as silly as a missing shoe, or that I will make the proverbial mountain of the metaphorical molehill. <br />
<br />
So in addition to trying to improve my reactions and our interactions, I also practice <b>extending grace and compassion to myself after the moments I am less than proud of. </b>And I hope you will too. You are the best of the best. Thank you so much for all of your honest sharing, support, and truly helpful tips and tricks. I love our little community; thank you for being a part of my journey as a mom.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid6AE5FP4AG-eg58kQ_0dKg5kx-szpF-UE4xsKKIdN-gg-SPN0ou3oudtvS_fwFhhJ5QNpUwC19FEB4wIGDXusQKsvz-AAIntcKfkKTlx9CuxXGC8rFkiUOno8sC71NFutq2JNoOvq3eI/s1600/calgon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid6AE5FP4AG-eg58kQ_0dKg5kx-szpF-UE4xsKKIdN-gg-SPN0ou3oudtvS_fwFhhJ5QNpUwC19FEB4wIGDXusQKsvz-AAIntcKfkKTlx9CuxXGC8rFkiUOno8sC71NFutq2JNoOvq3eI/s320/calgon.jpg" width="259" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Calgon take me away!" Image from <a href="http://goretro.blogspot.com/2010/01/calgon-take-me-away.html">Go Retro!</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>And finally, the winner is Anonymous Comment #21.CONGRATULATIONS! And here is where my 2nd confession comes ... I started thinking I couldn't give away a book I hadn't read. So, long story short, the book is bent and there is Indian food spilled on page 11. I feel bad the book isn't as pristine as it was, but this <i>is </i>the blog that gave away a mix tape and tried to <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/07/brain-food.html">give away a box of Franzia</a>. (tried and failed, as I drank the Franzia -- which was kind supposed to be a joke in the first place). So, like me, it isn't perfect, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! <br />
<br />
To cap off meltdown show-and-tell, please take a moment and share your favorite method for meltdown come-down. How do you unwind, reconnect, move on ... forgive yourself after a bad moment? Thank you as always!Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-48668282805279891642011-04-25T11:14:00.000-05:002011-04-25T11:14:10.460-05:00Pick that Up! Embracing your Inner-Crazy (and a give-away)<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When I wrote <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2011/01/get-real.html">"Get Real"</a> I was speculating on all the ways that chasing perfection prevents me from seeing the beauty in my life. And it's true for most of us, all that chasing and 2nd guessing totally </span><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;">robs us of our freedom...the joy of the now, the power of being present in our own lives. </span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLHwWYz5Vzy5T3SRTdyKa7nlfpt812GAsHYwNvfMfSVWUwPUzPjep-SoCIzUPkQ9edXtYkECHP8t0iazW8R5PTCocjryi46IzJ1JcJ_Tt5W8ZN4TJsoQ7ZJFCMP1mFjV4RQHa-sd13kJE/s1600/futurama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLHwWYz5Vzy5T3SRTdyKa7nlfpt812GAsHYwNvfMfSVWUwPUzPjep-SoCIzUPkQ9edXtYkECHP8t0iazW8R5PTCocjryi46IzJ1JcJ_Tt5W8ZN4TJsoQ7ZJFCMP1mFjV4RQHa-sd13kJE/s1600/futurama.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thanksgiving in the future</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;">In response to that entry, my friend posted an hilarious imagining of a Future Thanksgiving in which her adult daughter jests and laughs about her mom's riotous imperfections. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;">This lead me to both a recollection and an insight. Lucky you, I am about to share both!</span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;"><a name='more'></a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">There is a famous story in my family. When my Grandma was a young mom and very frustrated she would throw an object on the ground and then scream, "PICK THAT UP!". Okay, that is super crazy. And awesome and funny and touching. My Grandma is the stuff of legend in our family. Dearly loved and sorely missed--and we <i>all </i>laugh at that story. Not only does everyone laugh...my mom and her siblings give NO hints that they were ever traumatized by these strange episodes.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU8WoWw2_nlQx90kWPGY-FfJgBt5-t8-KzSx5k5pxuDNotLm_JG_U-o94ixVZSjA2jAzVf5a8XJJYjgJ3Z0S822kWGxvZaHfyQsKGOx-Tcf_XSxcQlL35WWrOCZpWIwzDGFSt7DNUkg0o/s1600/DA+%2526+CP+Gunnels+Wedding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU8WoWw2_nlQx90kWPGY-FfJgBt5-t8-KzSx5k5pxuDNotLm_JG_U-o94ixVZSjA2jAzVf5a8XJJYjgJ3Z0S822kWGxvZaHfyQsKGOx-Tcf_XSxcQlL35WWrOCZpWIwzDGFSt7DNUkg0o/s200/DA+%2526+CP+Gunnels+Wedding.jpg" width="142" /></a></span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> >>><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">this is where my height, need for corrective eye wear, and whimsical touch of crazy come from!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;">So now here is the insight, as long as we are trying our best, and I dare say we are, <b>OUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH!</b> It is highly and hugely unlikely that our choices are the sort that are doing true damage. (No one out there is free basing, right?) </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;">These kiddos are troopers and I dare say they are strong enough to not only overcome, but learn from and laugh at, our mistakes and foibles. I certainly learn from AND laugh at my mom. </span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwzGmF5KW7iYRgOO46k1dozPOQB8I2Tes_2xg2Cz_Nk4YZyEwjFEmnLl5Vv5MXhznM0uVaNhEEpnWbkSKyD3j_m3frIxRRvCWHJX0BGrm6h4XS2h3LMDC2AHPEYCENKfp22pqN12RWUp0/s1600/book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwzGmF5KW7iYRgOO46k1dozPOQB8I2Tes_2xg2Cz_Nk4YZyEwjFEmnLl5Vv5MXhznM0uVaNhEEpnWbkSKyD3j_m3frIxRRvCWHJX0BGrm6h4XS2h3LMDC2AHPEYCENKfp22pqN12RWUp0/s200/book.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="clear: both;">So now do some crazy imagining of your own; which of your moments do you anticipate might make it into your family's hall of fame? Best story of crazy melt-down or temper tantrum (yours, not your kid's) wins this month's contest. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/This-Not-How-Thought-Would/dp/0425227812/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303746591&sr=8-1">"this is not how I thought it be--REMODELING MOTHERHOOD TO GET THE LIVES WANT TODAY"</a> by Kristin Maschka. Now lay down some insanity!</span></span></span></div></div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-19169467158290949402011-04-12T22:09:00.003-05:002011-04-13T14:39:55.881-05:00The Public Option<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4hTiO3o8shQEkU-UcHkzJPH9I2sQzFLJhPIlOBE_JYO9k5fC7Y8QVOrQiwjSQWeyqYMwuQC1Va2muaCCxm3yFIg-JUqlqIF-qqrrSC_p0uYiuFRMOVqGRcRTkvMidh2JKOn8NNLgwjLo/s1600/school+supplies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4hTiO3o8shQEkU-UcHkzJPH9I2sQzFLJhPIlOBE_JYO9k5fC7Y8QVOrQiwjSQWeyqYMwuQC1Va2muaCCxm3yFIg-JUqlqIF-qqrrSC_p0uYiuFRMOVqGRcRTkvMidh2JKOn8NNLgwjLo/s200/school+supplies.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_16_130263672328857">Since this post is about school, I am going to stay on theme and give you some homework. Straight away -- before reading this post -- please take 3 minutes to watch the following video. Otherwise this post will be nonsensical and you run the risk on getting an "F" in the comments sections. And you know how grad schools and prospective employers mightily weigh your "hey mothers" performance. But no pressure!</div><br />
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2011/03/16/exp.am.intv.preschool.cnn?hpt=Sbin" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1302661627_0">http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2011/03/16/exp.am.intv.preschool.cnn?hpt=Sbin</span></a><br />
<br />
Okay? Got all that? This is insane on so many levels. It's as offensive as the day is long. Can anyone hold onto the naive belief that this country is all about opportunity after getting that little peak at how money and connections ... and NOT effort and talent ... "feed" the ivy league schools? George W went to an ivy league school for the love of god. In the interest of not being a red or a blue blog, I will stop there.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBwcpCgyZ_9VOQCE4XCmUR2QNft2E8yf0CugymBG74glyWOfZE58TKVfPXVjfNy8UVIl_u475ZStp210sUUHgnL0WsZy9vmRsP4NPF4DisROSNThwvsjs6gjhIxZIigSNjqJnEIF-248s/s1600/ivy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBwcpCgyZ_9VOQCE4XCmUR2QNft2E8yf0CugymBG74glyWOfZE58TKVfPXVjfNy8UVIl_u475ZStp210sUUHgnL0WsZy9vmRsP4NPF4DisROSNThwvsjs6gjhIxZIigSNjqJnEIF-248s/s1600/ivy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sure it looks cute now, but there is nothing scarier than an out of control ivy demanding to be fed.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>BUT, I have serious misgivings about the current state of public education. In particular, my school board seems hell bent on closing every neighborhood school, reaching "maximum efficiency" and making major decisions about MY kids with zero input from me. (btw it makes me really f-ing mad).<br />
<br />
Conflicted, I am so conflicted. <b>Please I need your help.</b> I am lapsing into lazy list form because I am far too frantic and chaotic to lend any real structure to this rant:<br />
<br />
1. I believe in, REALLY BELIEVE IN, public education.It is supposed to be the great equalizer. It is supposed to put everyone on equal footing and give everyone a fighting chance.And I love that it serves as an access point for delivering all kinds of services to a wide population.<br />
<br />
2. I know lots of teachers and they are among the brightest, best educated, most devoted, most passionate people out there. And they are fun to drink martinis with.<br />
<br />
3. I HATE that we don't fund this most basic of services; it is to the detriment of everyone.<br />
<br />
4. I HATE elitism. I don't want to be a part of any system that perpetuates more of the haves vs. have nots. It makes me want to puke. And a private school that offers 2 minority scholarships a year does NOT constitute equal opportunity, k?<br />
<br />
5. I HATE that schools are underfunded, teachers are undervalued, underpaid, and that they are forced to teach a curriculum that revolves around standardized testing and does not honor a kid's need for individual learning styles, and their need for play and movement.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYmtbOhxAS6fTMmipfn4S43a1Fe2qA5NdjbhK_6j_esFxTPZ7rBLkCxLaMFMVIDgQKTzlScQOC5zuOc6g13PwSVxBoovQoVlIJG38dNqV2d_FGs97blAYckp18pZ24k5qu9s5Oh51kWD4/s1600/apple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYmtbOhxAS6fTMmipfn4S43a1Fe2qA5NdjbhK_6j_esFxTPZ7rBLkCxLaMFMVIDgQKTzlScQOC5zuOc6g13PwSVxBoovQoVlIJG38dNqV2d_FGs97blAYckp18pZ24k5qu9s5Oh51kWD4/s200/apple.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">image from <a href="http://www.365waysprogram.com/author/admin/page/2/">365 ways</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>I recognize and accept that no system is perfect and that with a "my way or the highway" mentality I will be forced into perpetual anger and a role of victim. I accept responsibility for the education of my children and plan to be an active voice, advocate, and volunteer wherever they end up.<br />
<br />
But friends, where will they end up? I feel that my choices are not really choices at all (just the made-up kind I give my 2-year-old). I implore you to share you education philosophy, your choices, your regrets, your victories. Thank you.t.e.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08065828989248127249noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-37707100960042801882011-03-27T21:17:00.000-05:002011-03-27T21:17:51.580-05:00Friend Request, part II of IIWhat <i>is</i> a friend? At times, I am <span style="background-color: white;">befuddled</span> by my own friend interactions. I have responded inappropriately to hurt feelings and botched ending relationships, aka the "Friend Break Up."<span style="color: black;"> Clearly I haven't mastered the art of friendship</span>; how can I offer guidance to my kids?<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnt7s7GWy7kdNf_9MlONx39j6gXXz6iOI31IhPBsblYc2pYDQUx8sl9tM3jnTASyCeHr2u75L1LMXR89bHncDhGuCkDRdb81hC7sz7cFf3BTG51YwtWI8uoeeHyVe3_YOkaIN60gxk3IQ/s1600/friendship+bracelet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnt7s7GWy7kdNf_9MlONx39j6gXXz6iOI31IhPBsblYc2pYDQUx8sl9tM3jnTASyCeHr2u75L1LMXR89bHncDhGuCkDRdb81hC7sz7cFf3BTG51YwtWI8uoeeHyVe3_YOkaIN60gxk3IQ/s200/friendship+bracelet.jpg" width="153" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ahhh, the friendship bracelet. Let's bring it back! A few things from middle school are worth saving. Here is the<a href="http://www.how-to-make-jewelry.com/friendship-bracelet-instructions1.html"> site </a>just in case you need a refresher.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So, in keeping with the spirit of this blog, I realized the best way to answer the question is to turn it back on itself. Hopefully things will fall in line with my and my daughters relationships when the focus is on <i>our own</i> actions. It is NOT, "is Susie being a good friend to me (or my child)?" It simply becomes, "<i>Am I a good friend?</i>" <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>We are in control of our actions and reactions; we have a responsibility to choose wisely for <i>ourselves. </i><b>Consequently, the first question we must ask is, "am I a good friend to myself?"</b> Seldom is a problem solved with perseveration and nursing feelings of victimization and resentment. When we stop ruminating and focus on the only person we CAN control (our kids, who are just puppets and we are the master--jk), ourselves, the right course of action is illuminated. <br />
<br />
In "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion", Dr. Christopher Germer says that true compassion involves giving loving attention to whoever needs it, and sometimes that is your own self. With that in mind, I am working on <a href="http://www.mindfulselfcompassion.org/publications_books.html"><b>"....</b> responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame..."</a>, engaging in self-care, and talking kindly to myself (see: <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/08/please-be-nice-to-my-friend-thats-you.html">Please be Nice to my Friend</a>). <br />
<br />
In addition to being a friend to myself, I want to be a good friend to <i>you</i>. (BTW--I adore you). <a href="http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/gender/tendfend.html">Research confirms</a> what I long suspected; friends help us live better and longer. There is magic in these relationships. They offer endless opportunities to give and receive support and to learn about others and ourselves. Complex and sometimes tricky? Yes, but so worth the effort. And I value my friendships infinitely. I want to nurture and protect these relationships, to use them as a tool for showing my girls their positive aspects.<br />
<br />
But all of this has me wondering: how do I know if I am a good friend? Therapists are terrible predictors of the therapist/client relationship. They chronically over-estimate the bond and how the action in the room is going. Is it the same for friends? Do we overestimate our compassion? Do we think our love is accepting and unconditional when really it is wavering and fickle? How would we really know?<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2EuyFoToy_RwHEhSn_iUhr_6c_9rVTlLpa8MxvqPNEw6PHVZ1H7Hbd3Wi7ICQu_rd0pgY9b5ZvtHo2olPf_7qGZvH310eNCv7MJdRQ8eU0TV8ClmanGrHP248oUMEve9322meH-42sB8/s1600/bff.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2EuyFoToy_RwHEhSn_iUhr_6c_9rVTlLpa8MxvqPNEw6PHVZ1H7Hbd3Wi7ICQu_rd0pgY9b5ZvtHo2olPf_7qGZvH310eNCv7MJdRQ8eU0TV8ClmanGrHP248oUMEve9322meH-42sB8/s200/bff.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Or until I can slip you the hint without the awkward face-to-face via Facebook</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So friends, I have attached an evaluation form. All you have to do is sign in as "anonymous" or come up with a clever user name like friendeval8er and go to town. I realize that it is highly unlikely anyone will actually do this, but I am open to the feedback, as we all should be. So fill it out, or just let me know what you think about the friendships in your life.<b> What is your philosophy on friendships and what do you hope to teach your kids through your own relationships? How does the friendship with yourself factor into both?</b><br />
<br />
**********************************************************************************<br />
Sister1's Fabulous <b>Friendship Evaluation Form </b>(FEF). Eat my dust <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator">Meyer's Briggs</a>--no one is going to care whether or not they are extroverted when this form hits the fan:<br />
<br />
1) After an interaction with Sister1<span style="color: black;">,</span> I usually feel:<br />
A. Contemplative-wow, is she ever an external processor!<br />
B. Tired, oi vay, does she ever shut up?<br />
C. Sister who? She sucks at returning messages.<br />
<br />
2) Sister1 can keep a secret:<br />
A. When in a coma<br />
B. Does it count if she prefaces it with, "now don't tell anyone else..."?<br />
C. You bet, what a vault! And no one has the combo.<br />
<br />
3) I feel genuinely accepted by Sister1:<br />
A. Warts and all!<br />
B. Seriously? She slips more hints at self improvement into the conversation than my mother.<br />
C. Sister1 is a judgmental bitch.<br />
<br />
And for the essay portion: <b>How can I love you better? </b>Inspired by this <a href="http://www.wholeliving.com/article/the-love-experiment">beautiful article</a>, it is a question that I am earnestly asking everyone in my life (dorkily including myself).<br />
<br />
As always, my gratitude and lots of love! Leave any comment and even if it is crappy and sucks, I promise not to friend break up with you.Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-68050634014388841312011-03-14T20:54:00.000-05:002011-03-14T20:54:31.302-05:00Friendly Advice, part I of III am watching my big kid form relationships, and I'm staying the hell out of the way. She will have to navigate for herself her boundaries and expectations. I just shut up and mind my own bee's wax. Yep, I don't say a word, not a word.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuEG-8807g4N4KWe71BqYUn-a0qDIaaSYI2HrdLUy9uAK4XqOAtG17m03Mrtx12T4QniTNjWquAo5hicD0A92tbsjkYy74__qjtzNKJ9ERWcP4aA25qS4z8SZE98VRnenO9PNk_9vxq6o/s1600/beeswax.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuEG-8807g4N4KWe71BqYUn-a0qDIaaSYI2HrdLUy9uAK4XqOAtG17m03Mrtx12T4QniTNjWquAo5hicD0A92tbsjkYy74__qjtzNKJ9ERWcP4aA25qS4z8SZE98VRnenO9PNk_9vxq6o/s200/beeswax.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Are you as fascinated by the origins of that <a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Where_did_mind_your_own_beeswax_originate">clever expression </a>as I am?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Okay, okay, I am full of CRAP. I can't shut the frick up. It is tough not to park the ol' helicopter on hover and interject all manners of wisdom into her interactions. I am like a deranged mom who thinks big kid's entire social life is a movie set and I am the perfectionist director (Mom-tin Scorsese-- ha ha).<br />
<br />
"CUT, CUT. The line was, 'May I please have the ball when you are finished?' You totally left off the 'when you are finished' and you sounded a touch whiny. Remember that your character is a very patient, well-rounded and wise child who is not at all impulsive and never physical.<br />
<br />
Got that? Okay, ACTION!"<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>In addition to the fact that I want to perfect each of her foibles, I also want to protect her from the kids running wild on the set. Some have no director, or even a stage mom, so far as I can see.<br />
<br />
And trust me, she needs the protection. After being physically terrorized by another child at the park one day, we then went to Target. While wandering the aisles with our coffee and free cookie, respectively, big kid mused, "that Rachel from the park sure was nice."<br />
<br />
"WHAT?!?" I gasped, I then recounted the events and loudly insisted that, in fact, Rachel was NOT nice. We were so deep in conversation that I didn't notice that someone was openly gaping at us (me).<br />
<br />
I sounded like a total nut job (talking smack on the under 5 crowd is the surest way to look like a lunatic). WTF? What was I thinking? Am I actively trying to make my daughter guarded and cynical? The world can't corrupt her if I beat them to it. Geesh! I am pretty sure that destroying her spirit is not in my job description.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJlp8w-59R1TGtvT-CXJfrCGlCKCLq5vHZ4h2NleXE4cnV2TfEFl-_Z4zsID49wLszXa8VIbTkBs3jhOzboCF4Q4lHgR7n37ltEKgdIiagyi1gAwMK-Kcf_Io21CzPGA-R279o0_SpWQ0/s1600/director.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJlp8w-59R1TGtvT-CXJfrCGlCKCLq5vHZ4h2NleXE4cnV2TfEFl-_Z4zsID49wLszXa8VIbTkBs3jhOzboCF4Q4lHgR7n37ltEKgdIiagyi1gAwMK-Kcf_Io21CzPGA-R279o0_SpWQ0/s200/director.jpg" width="200" /></a>So, what is my job description? This is where you come in, gentle reader. You can give a calming voice-over or be the benevolent off-scene narrator in this botched film. This blog has been waxing super-existential the last few months, but what I need right now is some pretty straight-forward, friendly advice. What<i> is</i> our role in their relationships? I want to hear about your own take on friendship and how and when you step-in with your kiddos.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"> End Scene.</div>t.e.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08065828989248127249noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-35125101174109888042011-03-02T09:30:00.001-06:002011-03-02T12:23:31.918-06:00In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (and a winner!)Over the last two weeks I have been compiling a list of things that have moved and touched me. The list just got way too long for this entry. Funny how we get what we look for, isn't it? I have been schooled in the power of my own choices; and by the way my brain physiologically adapts to what I seek out, attend to, and cultivate. It certainly doesn't negate all the negative but<b> </b><i>does</i> mean that <b>opening my eyes</b> and seeing all that magic gives me terrific perspective ... and helps me see even more magic.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdHXYCdj9NVlAK-sGBSHPdxVQh6wlxQDpmLxMwgcMLOn7-pxestrB5GxZD1qq2G_MHadDp1vkf3mqztvWxm78_xStUoGsoT7Beg6ONi85edewsJppOSXH3xck8y-AmCNJysxmM0q8effw/s1600/open+heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdHXYCdj9NVlAK-sGBSHPdxVQh6wlxQDpmLxMwgcMLOn7-pxestrB5GxZD1qq2G_MHadDp1vkf3mqztvWxm78_xStUoGsoT7Beg6ONi85edewsJppOSXH3xck8y-AmCNJysxmM0q8effw/s1600/open+heart.jpg" /></a></div>I've discovered a book that crystallizes what has been happening in my neurology. "My Stroke of Insight," by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a first-person account from a brain scientist who lost the function of the left side of her brain during a stroke. (I <i>implore</i> you to spend 18 minutes <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html">watching her talk</a> -- you won't be sorry.)<br />
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Guess what the left side of your brain houses. Give up? It's the ego center. <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2011/01/dont-let-ego-drive-bus-guest-post-by.html">Ahhh synchronicity!</a> Turns out it is a pretty useful side and not at all "bad." However, the over-identification of self and the corresponding neural pathways that lead to defensiveness and separate us from the here-and-now has the potential to be pretty toxic. And yet the plasticity of the brain allows us to create and strengthen new pathways and learn from our oft-neglected right side.<br />
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I am trying to follow up on Dr. Bolte Taylor's beautiful lesson. She calls it <i>cultivating our garden. </i><br />
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Last week, we visited the Botanical Gardens of Corpus Christi (it's an actual garden -- not a brain metaphor or song by Iron Butterfly, just to be clear). A recent frost made it seem more like the Barren Waste Land of Corpus Christi. My husband and I lamented as we wandered around the death and destruction. However, my girls laughed and played. They even asked if we could go back later. (Hey, it's currently $1 off admission if you go now. I'm serious. They've discounted it if you attend before the life returns!)<br />
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I have been pondering what my life would be like with this approach. Zero rumination, zero wallowing in disappointment ... just total <i>acceptance of the situation exactly as it is</i>. Buddhist teaching says the recipe for suffering is pain (multiplied by) resistance. Kind of makes one wonder how much of the misery we experience is perpetuated by our response, and how much beauty we miss because we simply forget to look.<br />
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</div>Thanks to all of you for reading and participating in February's discussion. And congratulations to "anonymous" for winning on my random.org drawing for the journal. Thanks to my savvy-ness I was able to figure out who she is and where she lives. Gosh, that makes me sound kind of creepy; don't be scared "anonymous"! <br />
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I am asking for your suggestions on right brain activities and practices. I welcome book suggestions, spiritual practices, daily habits ... anything that gives that sense of connection and puts you in the moment. And how do you facilitate and teach this to your kiddos? Since my readership has some of the most amazing and intuitive children around, I am hoping you will share your wisdom. As always, thank you.Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-13873350643755717722011-02-14T09:16:00.003-06:002011-02-14T09:21:40.124-06:00You've got mail (and a give-away)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A letter and a give-away for you!!!<br />
(And for famous poet Mary Oliver -- just in case by some Valentine's Day miracle she is a huge "Hey Mothers" fan.)</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Dear Mary Oliver,<br />
First of all, thank you for asking, "<b>What is it you plan do with your one wild and precious life?</b>" The question that you pose in the beautiful poem "<a href="http://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/133.html">The Summer Day</a>" has been a powerful motivator, propelling me towards necessary action. However, it's also disconcerting. When I don't feel I am doing ENOUGH (traveling, running, advancing, achieving, nailing the whole "mom thing", etc.), your words are a drum beat in my ear, a poetic version of my own voice asking, "seriously, <i>this </i>is what you are doing with your life?"<br />
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But I realize the problem wasn't with your question, but <i>my</i> interpretation. I was the one supplying the inflections, the judgments. I am pretty sure you aren't in a secret partnership with the <a href="http://www.rockclimbing.com/">Rock Climbers Association </a>or <a href="http://www.travelocity.com/">Travelocity</a>. You are just a poet asking a really worthy question. One we should ask ourselves.<br />
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And for the first time, I have an answer that isn't like some high school senior on his/her first college application essay question or a hopeful pageant contestant. It is this: <b>Notice it. Dig it. Appreciate it. Do a little less of creating my own misery by chasing perfection, and a little more digging and appreciating. </b>And that includes trusting the process when things aren't going my way.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did my previous answer sound as silly as the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtkX3OyPF4Q">map debacle </a>of '07. Unequivocally, YES.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>What a gift to my children, Mary Oliver. I have been empowered to lead by example, to show them that they don't start enjoying their one wild and precious life <i>only if and when</i> when they get what they want. And thank you also for for the "wild and precious" part. Because Mary: <b style="color: red;">true that!</b> I just won't fritter away this gift with myopic vision that only sees only the unfinished and imperfect. Not when I could be choosing to see the beauty that is all around me.<br />
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With the utmost gratitude,<br />
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Sister1<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkyvNl6mitxPmeoy0k-LVCx74wTKY1yEHRrCFVOaJRwW5vglF9wZkltcXJckx_wfUC9NL6BkYm1JfRz2KoFPJ_OgD7CBurELKWKbaK8aNvuWxha2dDC3pmSB7fU3qMoYqPFPm_Bh3WX2s/s1600/hearts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkyvNl6mitxPmeoy0k-LVCx74wTKY1yEHRrCFVOaJRwW5vglF9wZkltcXJckx_wfUC9NL6BkYm1JfRz2KoFPJ_OgD7CBurELKWKbaK8aNvuWxha2dDC3pmSB7fU3qMoYqPFPm_Bh3WX2s/s1600/hearts.jpg" /></a></div>Dear Readers,<br />
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Valentine's Day is here and I am reflecting on my <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/12/dont-go-changing.html">New Year's Post</a> and the insanely good comments it generated. Rather than my usual method (flashes of insight that I promptly forget), I am moved to dedicate RIGHT NOW as the time to love the bejezus out of my<i> </i>life. As the month rolls along, look for random lists of things that I heart ... things that touch and move me. It is both a tool for cultivating gratitude and a personal experiment--Can I change my neural pathways with a focus on the positive, the kind, the beautiful? Maybe I'll be more calm, creative, insightful ... and help Egypt get their new government up and running.<br />
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You so want in, right? Share this post on Facebook or tweet it -- let's see about making my personal experiment a social experiment -- Hey Egypt needs us! <b>What holds you back? What "thing" are you waiting for to start loving your life? What do you see as the first step in embracing <i>this</i> life, this one wild and precious life? What moves and touches you? </b>Write a full-on love letter, a sonnet, or a one-word answer. Each comment counts as an entry, so feel free to rack 'em up as you see fit. Throw down the random, the obscure, the surprising, the cheesy, the cliche ... just speak from the heart. And the prize? Why it's this beautiful gratitude <a href="http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=0811860035">journal</a> ("Seedlings" hardcover by Lotta Janslotter).<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinfGTSUuVxFtfFyMZMqK0tSvOpACijyyxe8PmYmS-uY7KHCRrrOOhZO-Vj9c-YpzfTtvxAk7GSJVvTh-Vj4kVLivov008pdGtbMEvlRsEu0hw4qzyMVWl3rq-KOitj86BgGF5WjPvpPbw/s1600/journal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinfGTSUuVxFtfFyMZMqK0tSvOpACijyyxe8PmYmS-uY7KHCRrrOOhZO-Vj9c-YpzfTtvxAk7GSJVvTh-Vj4kVLivov008pdGtbMEvlRsEu0hw4qzyMVWl3rq-KOitj86BgGF5WjPvpPbw/s200/journal.jpg" width="140" /></a></div>Well, it's a <i>blank</i> journal. If you win, you can crap on my concept and make it a "things that suck" journal or, a "list of blogs better than Hey Mothers" journal, or whatever -- to the victor go the spoils!<br />
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Happy commenting and<span style="color: red;"> Happy Valentine's, </span>treasured readers,<br />
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sister1Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-81537220764869560302011-01-29T17:56:00.000-06:002011-01-29T17:56:14.830-06:00Get Real<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">"The key to unlocking this dilemma is recognizing how the ego activity of <i>judging</i> divides the self into judging and judged parts, thus destroying the unity of the self. It is only from unity, from a whole and complete contact with all of the self that we are able to embody and recognize perfection."-<a href="http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/history.asp">The Enneagram Institute </a></span><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;">It turns out that I chase perfection<i> by</i> judging myself. According to this little nugget, my methodology is so flawed that I won't be able to even <i>recognize</i> the perfection to which I aspire.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't speak in metaphor--here is an literal picture of perfection from one of the <a href="http://www.wholeliving.com/photogallery/green-your-basement-space">magazines </a>I am obsessed with....sigh...so pretty.</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPI1W0CWF2Tu-RZrvk6Ka0DUCRLp_KtJSONcprp7FOmtYfalkVkEn0Mrj_t2I7um1EQSmCqXfCByxbHzfJBw-Tu-1olbCWvvKj-DpryRDLoDCKl98CJGp86qm2A2RiNaReJBvlxMQlHFs/s1600/dogtable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPI1W0CWF2Tu-RZrvk6Ka0DUCRLp_KtJSONcprp7FOmtYfalkVkEn0Mrj_t2I7um1EQSmCqXfCByxbHzfJBw-Tu-1olbCWvvKj-DpryRDLoDCKl98CJGp86qm2A2RiNaReJBvlxMQlHFs/s200/dogtable.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOfO32xi2gumoflffadMNfnqVfdTcNkgVb5hJ0QgRhZsrVVfcI1sWSqXwCKdBvXPiqirRChBIUYBo8ANEgZjlAR3sgb60klEVDuu5krC6dyS1m_Z-XWOooyW3KrGooJ-V_Soqmyak29us/s1600/table1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOfO32xi2gumoflffadMNfnqVfdTcNkgVb5hJ0QgRhZsrVVfcI1sWSqXwCKdBvXPiqirRChBIUYBo8ANEgZjlAR3sgb60klEVDuu5krC6dyS1m_Z-XWOooyW3KrGooJ-V_Soqmyak29us/s200/table1.jpg" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;">These two photos come from sites I have spent time on the last few weeks; a <a href="http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/chicago/dining-room/small-space-solution-sofa-seating-at-the-dining-table-069858">beautiful home site </a>and a <a href="http://pets.webmd.com/dogs/slideshow-behaviorial-problems-in-dogs">bad dog site</a>. </span><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-size: small;">The vast ocean between how I think my [house, body, family, life, etc etc] <i>should </i>look and they way they <i>actually</i> look are </span>driving me to drink. I'll leave you to guess which looks more like my home. (hint, it's neither...like I would ever actually cook when I have all that <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/06/gin-and-dys-tonic-part-i-of-ii.html">Coke and frozen pizza</a>)</div><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We claim to have moved on from a time and place where we had to be perfect. It's now okay to confess to all kinds of "bad mommy" moments. The feminist movement was supposed to release us from society's shackles--freed forever from an expectation on how we should be living. But sometimes it feels that there is just a new kind of shackle, a different variation of pressure that is coming from each other (and always, always ourselves). It is a an oh-so-very-beautiful, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabi-sabi">wabi-sabi</a>, more-organic-than-thou kind of shackle.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There are just so many books, blogs, and people showcasing these messages of perfection and purporting to have all the answers on topics ranging from organization to fabulous parenting. They certainly don't promote questions, conversations, and curiosity about others making different choices--rather they read as self-congratulatory manifestos. And yet... I just<b> CAN NOT</b> look away. Are these monologues and monuments a symptom of the pressure we feel, or are they <i>why</i> we feel so much pressure? Is it some circular combination of the two? </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcx-rML4o5wSmTKLMONcBc_C_79Mmwkl_7XFwhN6NlHg8Z55xn53OdwisxfPDW4-Ep-qHFrJRL5ga6hAJRDtWsNMD__-EkysOvDGFp3nGYwvlIVdXdOL2JtEJvCJR4U3-lApu3M1_unSQ/s1600/realsimple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcx-rML4o5wSmTKLMONcBc_C_79Mmwkl_7XFwhN6NlHg8Z55xn53OdwisxfPDW4-Ep-qHFrJRL5ga6hAJRDtWsNMD__-EkysOvDGFp3nGYwvlIVdXdOL2JtEJvCJR4U3-lApu3M1_unSQ/s200/realsimple.jpg" width="154" /></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/">Real Simple</a>; perhaps neither simple nor real--but I never miss an issue! >></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What if we all just got a little more "real" with each other AND, <i>most especially</i>, ourselves? I have built an image of myself as an eschew-er of culture, societal mandates, and rampant consumerism. But I am beginning to realize that there are many ways to "buy-in" to messages. The cost of this buy-in equals missing the magic and beauty of my life as it is <i>right now</i>, at this very moment. (see my <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/12/dont-go-changing.html">New Year's unresolution post </a>for proof there is actual content threading and continuity in these rants!) </div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So if I continue to see some parts of myself as bad and continue the incessant inner-commentary, then I lose. Worse than lose--fissure and break apart my divine self. Yikes!</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What are the crazy making splits in your life? Are you at peace with your life exactly as it is or do you reach for idealized version? I am considering <a href="http://www.makestickers.com/">making a bumper sticker</a> that says "Live like no one is judging". It feels like a nice variation on the old saying, "dance like no one is watching". </div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-41020474175802852152011-01-20T14:07:00.002-06:002011-01-20T14:15:39.443-06:00Dear High School BoyfriendDear High School Boyfriend,<br />
<br />
I have just learned of your passing. It is numbing and shocking; my heart aches for your family and the people who were a part of your present life. What an enormous loss for them. Even as they grieve and wonder how to go on without you, they must all feel so deeply thankful to have been touched by you. <br />
<br />
As I process what I have learned, I recall our relationship and the girl that I was. While I have worked very hard through the years to extend grace, compassion, and forgiveness to my former self, the vivid recollections are painful. Yet, as difficult as that close-up is, it deepens both my appreciation and my understanding of the pivotal and precious part of my journey that included you.<br />
<br />
For some years I have had the thought that I wish you knew me <i>now</i>--this updated, integrated version of myself. I have shared this with a few of our mutual friends. But, having some grasp of the space time continuum, I totally get that who I am now is necessitated and precipitated by the fact that you knew me <i>then</i>. Thanks for being a part of who I am.<br />
<br />
As we move through life we get all wrapped up and interconnected with others. I feel a particular gratitude to have my person interconnected with yours. That is how I have <i>always </i>felt when I think of you. As I write, I see with startling clarity that the sentiments don't change at all with the horrible news and sad fact of your untimely death.<br />
<br />
I wish your family the peace that passes understanding and pray that they will eventually be comforted by their treasured memories of a very fine and special person.<br />
<br />
with a grateful heart,<br />
<br />
Your High School GirlfriendSister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-25583514946142665882011-01-10T14:12:00.003-06:002011-01-10T14:16:25.428-06:00Don't Let the Ego Drive the Bus!-A guest post by author Gwendolyn Conover<div class="MsoNormal">foreword: Some months ago the author of this piece introduced me to Eckhart Tolle. It is just one of the ways keeping this blog has blessed and enriched my life. However, being that the concepts he introduces are both very dense and have a nebulous, ethereal quality, I kept failing in my attempts to write coherently about them. Enter Gwendolyn Conover. Here is my process in a nutshell:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">1. Read book Wendy recommends (renewing four times to finish and emailing Wendy for help deciphering).</div><div class="MsoNormal">2. Become aware and blown away by how much ego is involved in my daily life.</div><div class="MsoNormal">3. Think that mayhaps I really can't make any of this stick. I try to write about it and fail, I try to apply it to my life and fail.</div><div class="MsoNormal">4. I have a slow and dawning realization through my writing and daily living that something<i> is </i>happening. Oh, slow, mindful, incremental progress. Damn....I was hoping for instant enlightmentment.</div><div class="MsoNormal">5. I read this piece and feel too sheepish to post what I wrote about ego because this is so much better. Like I said, the progress is slow and incremental. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I hope you enjoy learning about this as much as I have. Thank you so much guest author!</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sister1</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gwendolyn Conover</div><div class="MsoNormal">Guest blog for “Hey Mothers, Let’s Be Sisters”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"> </div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Don’t Let the Ego Drive the Bus!</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You know about that persistent pigeon, don’t you? The one in the picture book by Mo Willems? He’s a little bird who <i>really</i> wants to drive the bus, but you’re in charge, and you’re not supposed to let him. So you keep telling him, “No!” But every time you turn the page he tries again to persuade you.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJT4H81J2ENYDiUR_BiLH0dGCmFdCuLZiBEFtjjJqR3vxGwQ6WzI5Rqg9VShP8l6tB1idU7CWHchum7tkh7HGbhR1p7zguG0pKDaDCl0WIshsAsz3e5QcfNxLowMxxxJW3bz3KHRnyIsI/s1600/pigeon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJT4H81J2ENYDiUR_BiLH0dGCmFdCuLZiBEFtjjJqR3vxGwQ6WzI5Rqg9VShP8l6tB1idU7CWHchum7tkh7HGbhR1p7zguG0pKDaDCl0WIshsAsz3e5QcfNxLowMxxxJW3bz3KHRnyIsI/s1600/pigeon.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All I ever learned in life I learned from children's books! For more cool life lessons check out the <a href="http://www.mowillems.com/">author's site</a>. Photo from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Let-Pigeon-Drive-Bus/dp/078681988X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1294593881&sr=8-1">Amazon</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">. </div><div class="MsoNormal">Don’t you love that book?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me too. Oh, and my kids think it’s pretty fun also. But what does that pesky pigeon have to do with—ego?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Well, what if I told you I’m convinced there’s a little bird inside your head that is more persuasive, more persistent, and quite a bit sneakier than our pigeon friend? And not only does this bird<i> want</i> to drive your bus, most of the time he does! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Beep, beep! Ego at the wheel!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">Okay, it’s not exactly a little bird, but your ego does insist on steering things inside your head. And it’s sneaky like the pigeon: you’re probably not aware of its wily ways. But you can become aware, and I am of the opinion that you should, because that little ego bird deals with something that feels central to your very being—nothing less than your personal identity or who you think you are! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">If you have read <a href="http://www.eckharttolle.com/home/books/%20">The Power of Now</a> or <a href="http://www.eckharttolle.com/home/books/">The New Earth</a> by Eckhart Tolle you will recognize (I hope) the ideas about ego that I’m going to attempt to explain here. Tolle writes about becoming aware of, understanding, and moving past the ego in terms of the journey towards spiritual enlightenment (although, oddly enough, he never mentions pigeons or anything about driving a bus). While I don’t necessarily agree with or even pretend to understand all of his ideas, my current view of the world and the human mind in particular has been strongly influenced by his books. If you want an idea of where I’m coming from before you read any more, here’s a sort of recipe:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Ingredients:</div><div class="MsoNormal">2 scoops of training in Counseling Psychology (strongly flavored with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_therapy">Cognitive Therapy</a>)</div><div class="MsoNormal">1 huge pile of evidence that suggests there is a level of thinking we are not consciously aware of</div><div class="MsoNormal">A sprinkling of knowledge about biases in human thinking (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heuristic">the availability error</a> or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Representativeness_heuristic">representative error</a> should do the trick) </div><div class="MsoNormal">A chunk of solid belief in the basic goodness of humankind</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gather all ingredients in your brain. Now smack yourself in the head with Eckhart Tolle’s concept of an evolutionary leftover called ego. Let the idea of ego soak slowly into the mix—do not be alarmed if the whole thing starts to bubble and fizz. Stir it all up, slowly ruminating or shaking vigorously according to your mood for 1-2 years and . . . <i>ping!</i> You come out thinking the human mind is a lot more complicated than you had realized; that the motivations behind our emotions and behaviors are not at all straight forward; and that Eckhart Tolle is right—it’s extremely important for us humans to move past that evolutionary leftover called ego.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why do I think this? Here’s an example that might help explain:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s errands day. I’m pushing a grocery cart at my friendly neighborhood Giganto-Mart. My four-year-old son is riding in the basket along with a week’s supply of frozen waffles. I start to turn down the cereal aisle and there, mulling over the boxes of organic muesli, is an old high school classmate. Someone I haven’t seen since the last day of high school nearly fifteen years ago. I feel anxious. I turn the cart around, moving to a different aisle before she notices me.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Okay, so for some reason I avoided a meeting with an old acquaintance, but . . . where’s the ego? </div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s actually very active in this scene, but it’s difficult to spot because it’s working, as ego does, just beneath the surface of my awareness. So ego is driving my bus, but I don’t notice it. If that sounds weird to you, here’s the good news. When you know how ego works you can start paying attention to it—you can become aware of it</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So here’s the scene again, this time with me tuning in to my thoughts and perceptions.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s errands day at Ginganto-Mart, I see the old high school classmate, and:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I notice she has smooth, shiny hair.</div><div class="MsoNormal">I remember it has been three days since I shampooed.</div><div class="MsoNormal">I notice she is well-dressed.</div><div class="MsoNormal">I spy a large crusty area on my sweatshirt, and realize the spontaneous hug my son gave me five minutes ago was really a stealthy employment of the Mom-as-handkerchief tactic.</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have the thought, “She is attractive and well-off.” </div><div class="MsoNormal">I have the thought, “I am messy, undisciplined, and possibly smelly.”</div><div class="MsoNormal">I wonder, “Would she recognize me?”</div><div class="MsoNormal">I feel anxious.</div><div class="MsoNormal">I turn the cart around and decide to get the Honey Nut Cheerios later.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">All this happens fast—within the time it takes to walk a few steps down the aisle. That’s what makes it easy to miss. But in this example, and in my real life every day, ego is influencing what I pay attention to, as well as my thoughts and my feelings. It is driving my bus.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I pay attention to those things that are important in some way to my identity. And because of the way our world works, looks factor in. So I notice hair and clothing. Ego also motivates me to do a self-scan and notice the crusty spot on my shirt. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">After the gathering of the data via perceptions, ego is off to comparisons. Ego is all about keeping score, and whatever is important to your personal identity is tallied. She gets points for good hair and being a snazzy dresser. I get demerits for less than stellar personal hygiene and a messy appearance. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The thoughts I have show the results of the ego’s appraisal. In this case the verdict is, “She is attractive and well-off,” and “I am messy, undisciplined, and possibly smelly.” Now it’s easier to understand where the anxiety response came from, as well as the resulting behavior. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The first time around in my example, I’m not aware of any thoughts. I only clue in to the emotion, the anxiety. This happens all the time, to me and most likely to you, too, because we humans have thoughts just below our conscious awareness. In other words, we tell ourselves things that we are not consciously aware of. If you want to try to catch yourself doing this, take a page from the Cognitive Therapy playbook. When you become aware of a feeling, simply ask yourself, “What am I telling myself right now?” This helps make some of your unconscious thoughts conscious. In my opinion, being aware of more of your thoughts is a very helpful step in identifying the ego at work. In fact, when I started paying attention, I was shocked by how much of my thinking, my actions, and my mood was influenced by ego, and the ego’s needs.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">What are the ego’s needs? I struggle with how to tell you everything I want to communicate about this topic without making this blog go on for miles. Have I mentioned Eckhart Tollee? If you really want to dig into this question take a crack at The Power of Now. But for now, I will say that in my understanding and experience, what it really boils down to one need. The ego needs to believe that you are “somebody” in the grand parade of life. The ego <i>needs</i> to maintain your appearance in the eyes of others, because the ego worries that if you do not maintain your identity (whatever it is), you are nothing at all. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Go back to the cereal aisle example above. I can ask myself, what’s behind the thought “Would she recognize me?” Maybe it’s a fear that I am not worth remembering, or that I have changed so much since high school as to be unrecognizable in my older form. Did I matter in high school? Do I matter now? Maybe my special attention to personal appearance here is influenced by the past: memories of high school and adolescent insecurities may be activated. Because in reality, my mind, and all of our minds, are a lot more complex than I can capture here. But the main point I am trying to make is that it is all connected, and the ego is behind it. When I ask myself why it matters if she looks attractive and well-off while I look messy, the answer lies in the fact that it <i>matters</i> only to my ego. My personal identity is based partly on certain levels of attractiveness and successfulness, and in this situation when I am on the losing end, my ego feels diminished. When my personal identity is diminished the ego fears I am diminished, because the ego completely overlooks one very, very important fact:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Who I am and my worth as a person actually has nothing to do with how I am perceived by others. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Oh jeez, this is what your mom or dad told you in second grade, right? But it’s true. And if you really believed it, if your actions and thoughts were really based on this essential truth, you would be filled with a peace you have rarely, if ever, attained otherwise.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But we don’t believe it. We are ruled by ego, and we think and act as though what really matters is appearances. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why do we do this? Above I referred to ego as an evolutionary leftover. That’s the part of Tolle’s thesis that really clicked on a light bulb for me. Evolution of the ego. If at some point our ancestors developed some kind of motivating force to compare themselves to those around them and to try to be better, it would have been advantageous in terms of survival. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Cave man A feel good when he better than Cave man B! Cave man A feel bad when he worse than Cave man B! Cave man A try be better!</i></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsaGQbKpVwkQ7KoXF9FXuIry98oUsJbod7lRpwKKoBzYo0RpRmRZ6wYeamlWok2M5fHs4GSHrrA3uHfVmhJJssk6B55CYSUwf5WfWmuBTpO0PNiJXP23ZPFDX3FajsMVnvQKenGXuvnUA/s1600/caveman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsaGQbKpVwkQ7KoXF9FXuIry98oUsJbod7lRpwKKoBzYo0RpRmRZ6wYeamlWok2M5fHs4GSHrrA3uHfVmhJJssk6B55CYSUwf5WfWmuBTpO0PNiJXP23ZPFDX3FajsMVnvQKenGXuvnUA/s1600/caveman.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Evolution may or may not involve selling <a href="http://www.geico.com/about/commercials/">insurance</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And as we evolved and formed civilizations it was no doubt advantageous for a person to be able to gauge her place in the pecking order and strive to move up however she could. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But it’s how you <i>appear </i>that matters in terms of snagging the best mate or assuring influence over others. Being good without appearing good doesn’t win you any social or interpersonal advantage.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So I agree with Tolle’s assertion that the ego has helped us to become who we are today as humans. And I am thankful for that. But I also agree with him when he says it’s time to evolve again. It’s time to move on.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The ego puts us in judgment mode because it bases your identity on competition with others. There’s a scorecard, and whatever it is you value in yourself (smarts, looks, even being non-judgmental) is on it. Also, as Tolle points out, the ego’s score-keeping is sort of like a running tally, and while it notices all the good points it also continuously picks up on the million and six ways that I appear less than someone else. Because of this, the ego is inherently unsatisfied—and it needs constant feeding if it’s going to keep feeling good. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">That need for constant feeding means we want more, more, more, while we don’t care as much as we should or as consistently as we should, when others have less, less, less. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">What would happen if we dropped the judgment, the competition? What would life on this planet be like?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There is so much more that has been and could be said about this, and I am sure that what I have said here is an imperfect representation of it. So if, after slogging through this blog, you care to explore the idea of ego in writings far more profound than this, check out Eckhart Tolle’s books. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And if nothing else, after reading this, maybe you can consider that we humans might have a way of thinking about ourselves and relating to others that has developed through the process of evolution. Maybe you can even accept that this way of thinking and interacting could become so ingrained it is automatic, that it happens without our conscious awareness. And maybe you will start to question if ego is active in your own thoughts and behaviors and if it is time to move past this way of thinking.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">To me, questions are the best place to start. What is your personal identity based on? What thoughts are behind your feelings and actions? Why do you care about the things you care about?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Or take a note from my seven-year-old daughter who likes to read over my shoulder and ask the deepest questions of them all:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Mom, why is a <i>waffle</i> trying to drive the bus?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Leggo my ego? Hmm, that’s actually the whole point. I am trying to leggo my ego. </div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s a challenging task, but I’m working on it. In the meantime, let’s talk. I welcome your questions and comments.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-25727565132128737692010-12-30T15:41:00.000-06:002010-12-30T15:41:24.025-06:00Don't go changing...NEW YEAR, NEW YOU! MAKE YOURSELF OVER. CHANGE YOUR LIFE, blah, blah, blah....<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUFk9gHADSXV2DCs_lq74D_nVK4uW7B3yElcxli3jXIttyqp_E1TJbtRw1jLN25ByCLwd-xmLJLIYAyTVAriffaxbfNgY9-TwwTxYrMOVqVJycff8AAUK7V36_lHQn2K5VgS0KmJP5bBA/s1600/resolution.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUFk9gHADSXV2DCs_lq74D_nVK4uW7B3yElcxli3jXIttyqp_E1TJbtRw1jLN25ByCLwd-xmLJLIYAyTVAriffaxbfNgY9-TwwTxYrMOVqVJycff8AAUK7V36_lHQn2K5VgS0KmJP5bBA/s320/resolution.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alas, it didn't pan out. But do visit this very cool <a href="http://moninavelarde.com/newyears/">resolution generator</a> by Monica Velarde.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I totes (totes is a cool new way of saying "totally" for all you old-sters out there) get caught up in the resolution frenzy on an annual basis. Certainly there is nothing wrong with personal inventory, a quest for self improvement, and reflection (in fact that is sort of my MO) but the over-focus on change robs us of the moment, the "be here now" kind of life that is purportedly the whole bottle plus a drop.<br />
<br />
At best resolutions help us change bad habits or adopt new, healthier ones. At worst they promote <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion">all or nothing thinking</a> that gets us throwing out the proverbial baby with the metaphorical bathwater. I know you and, trust me, you are fabulous. So consider for a just a minute an un-resolution, one where we resolve only to celebrate what <i>is.</i> <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Mayhaps focusing on what is good, beautiful, and perfect about my life (house, body, family) will lead to changes as I try to do more of what works and find myself more often in the state of grace that tends to promote true change and deeper satisfaction. I don't know about you but I haven't EVER had a single true and lasting change that began with a "I never", "I just can't seem to", "Something that sort of sucks about me is..." etc,. etc. <br />
<br />
So in the spirit of cultivating gratitude...I resolve to bring more passion into my life, but not with replacements or make-overs, but by bringing into focus what is already present. <br />
<br />
While researching for this post the old "nothing new under the sun" adage was affirmed. It turns out someone already wrote about this topic (chagrin) over at <a href="http://www.oprah.com/spirit/New-Years-Resolution-Just-Be-Yourself">Oprah's website</a> (chagrin deux) but it is quite good and worth your time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic1ehAqzoOdonADzhFV_XQQH8Roi5RkSlMF9er4QwBYi8dJOfJ_yF90nfsLT6MRLMCFFUwmGa6JKBDPn5Q9ZbnX6KEo9pOyqufU1sftbrDW1aBYc12wtSuAw8sQ41Oc4zx3Xqi8NXT_v8/s1600/oprah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic1ehAqzoOdonADzhFV_XQQH8Roi5RkSlMF9er4QwBYi8dJOfJ_yF90nfsLT6MRLMCFFUwmGa6JKBDPn5Q9ZbnX6KEo9pOyqufU1sftbrDW1aBYc12wtSuAw8sQ41Oc4zx3Xqi8NXT_v8/s1600/oprah.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This year Oprah resolves to be on the cover of her magazine every month and make or break authors with her all powerful book club. Wait a minute....</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Existential tie-in to over-arching theme of blog....wait for it.....Global acceptance of others starts super-duper local (from within--to your own self, yo). So 2011 will find me celebrating what I love just as it is, and one of those things, gentle reader, is you. Don't go changing to try and please me...I totes love you just the way you are. Thanks for reading friends! And please take a moment to let us know what you love about yourself and your life, what you wouldn't change for anything or anyone (even Billy Joel). Cheers!Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-43400499813046759202010-12-10T12:45:00.000-06:002010-12-10T12:45:15.823-06:00Is that my mother on the phone?<i>* Foreword: Other title options for this post included "Sister friend" and "O cousin where art thou?" In the end, I just thought this <a href="http://www.lyricstime.com/the-police-mother-lyrics.html">Police song </a>is crazy cool. Just wanted to put that out there in case a reader, who also happened to be my mom, was wondering.</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-6Qxhf0kRHLl5TggmVsuZIJolmpRH2yLs7BTFA9D3FJz_H3ObMyksV9ed_QNdVxiMxo5qGYk7mSHs5t7X3NCxkzSglD1d9kJS9s2WlNp-VOzDTo2vujENYVuhVJ5CrYXAzAJpN0c5JeY/s1600/christmasgift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-6Qxhf0kRHLl5TggmVsuZIJolmpRH2yLs7BTFA9D3FJz_H3ObMyksV9ed_QNdVxiMxo5qGYk7mSHs5t7X3NCxkzSglD1d9kJS9s2WlNp-VOzDTo2vujENYVuhVJ5CrYXAzAJpN0c5JeY/s200/christmasgift.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">from me to you...you're welcome</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Just in time for the holidays: a post on the importance and challenges of family connections. Festive, yes?<br />
It is all easy enough if you have cool family members. But what if your bro is a white supremacist? Or if your cousin manages a credit-default-swap-hedge fund, or manages a TGIFridays?<br />
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We all know that family relationships matter. But we aren't always sure why, and we are almost never sure what the cost/benefit of maintaining them is compared with tossing them aside like last night's meatloaf. <br />
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I've noticed a couple things about the nature of family relationships which sets them apart from others in our lives:<br />
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<b>#1-These are people who get you,<i> really</i> get you.</b> This point is best demonstrated by a conversation overheard between my (then) 18 month and 4-year-old daughters ...<br />
Little sis: "Babble, goo goo ga ga."<br />
Big sis: "Well, she is a baby now, but later, after she is born, she will be a grown up. Got that cowgirl?"<br />
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I don't understand these exchanges, but they have them all the time. They seem to "get" each other and really enjoy their conversations. And it's the same for me: 34 years in and no one gets me like my sister. <br />
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<b>#2-Shared experience. </b>I was reading my cousin's blog and came across an entry entitled, "fear and ketchup". In this engaging post there is a description of Thanksgiving dinner and a yummy roast. It sounded truly magical and I found myself thinking, "I wish I had been there." As I read on, I realized I <i>had</i> been there. I was very moved by this treasured memory, and it was as if I was mentally reliving it. I got to thinking about how your family is your collective past. They are the movable memory of your person-hood.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipBYdCRFYPtW3CTFggqdXIrzi6dNoQ1zDKBh0HDl3lf_AGL_t746snljTx4jEV1idmDp1Z6g4gRCt_W5HoB6CospZTtruJNPvThKZeedzU1huZJ-pJYWQzr4UTZDOM0TMRAKODdBZ-HJ4/s1600/bettywhite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipBYdCRFYPtW3CTFggqdXIrzi6dNoQ1zDKBh0HDl3lf_AGL_t746snljTx4jEV1idmDp1Z6g4gRCt_W5HoB6CospZTtruJNPvThKZeedzU1huZJ-pJYWQzr4UTZDOM0TMRAKODdBZ-HJ4/s200/bettywhite.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Back in St. Olaf, we always tolerated our families</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>* * *<br />
Of course, every reason I just mentioned in favor of family connections is also a screaming reason <b style="color: red;">against</b> said connections. Someone who gets you? How about someone who has you permanently typecast in a role that you can't get away from? You could no sooner be something different than your "set role" around these people than Betty White could portray a smart, sophisticated college student.<br />
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And shared experience? What if the memories truly have some sting? For some they are truly traumatic (sorry, for those, this post is not terribly applicable), but for most of us they are more just traumatic <u>to our sense of self.</u> And that can feel bad enough! <br />
* * *<br />
So when the reasons <b>for</b> are just as compelling as the reasons <b>against</b> ... where does this leave us? Well, here is my $00.02:<br />
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<b>Family relationships are poltergeists</b>. A ghost haunts a location and a poltergeist haunts <i>you</i>. Wherever you go or move or flee -- it's right there. It's the same with family relationships, so you may as well keep them where you can see them, be mindful of them. You sure don't want dysfunctional dynamic setting up shop all over your life, especially subconsciously (... they're baaaaack).<br />
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Professional therapy is 4-square <i>against</i> cut-off in all but the most serious and extreme of situations. Here's the skinny from authors Betty Carter and Monica McGoldrich in "The Expanded Family Life Cycle"<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhtccszOH6kRDyysl1qbbP0KypMHE9GUH4SGC9Rp-Kv2HEdNO2a1ndRcDYDbMQenRd5kXOAuEYE_drd3Ufj40BB3v9XanV8XfxWIzOpMpG3NrE4H1QeCJEMP_QP1yRDv8lFXnqPv1BtmU/s1600/ghost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhtccszOH6kRDyysl1qbbP0KypMHE9GUH4SGC9Rp-Kv2HEdNO2a1ndRcDYDbMQenRd5kXOAuEYE_drd3Ufj40BB3v9XanV8XfxWIzOpMpG3NrE4H1QeCJEMP_QP1yRDv8lFXnqPv1BtmU/s1600/ghost.jpg" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Inescapable relationship patterns are scarier than Christmas sweaters, but maybe not scarier than fruit cake or blogs, or <a href="http://www.mondofruitcake.com/">blogs about fruit cake</a></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> >>>></span><br />
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"Cutting off a relationship by physical or emotional distance does not end the emotional process; in fact it intensifies it. If one cuts off relationships ... the emotional sensitivities and yearnings from these relationships tend to push into one's other relationships ... the new relationships will tend to become problematic under this pressure and lead to further distancing and cut-offs." <br />
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<b>The kids benefit.</b> I was an adult before I knew there was ever so much as a cross word between my parents and their parents. Don't get me wrong -- overall they were good relationships. But there were old hurts, current frustrations, etc., and nevertheless my parents had the wisdom to give me the joy of a childhood with my crazy family. For whatever reason it seems that many times kids get the best of people. And they also gain a strong sense of roots and inter-connection. Can't beat that.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3T_DVPFRqRw5z1SZXQp6LCdgK86hb4I4FKLJF5vVfARJVCZFE93D74pdhNh4pm5XTeHe9XvbX2O3sNyhY3zSxsXA27OuKC-rZJMMPMAAY8Q_w0hx4qkDG5ZeYdwHVSoGbIzNHcAZ2SxA/s1600/jetsonsphone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3T_DVPFRqRw5z1SZXQp6LCdgK86hb4I4FKLJF5vVfARJVCZFE93D74pdhNh4pm5XTeHe9XvbX2O3sNyhY3zSxsXA27OuKC-rZJMMPMAAY8Q_w0hx4qkDG5ZeYdwHVSoGbIzNHcAZ2SxA/s1600/jetsonsphone.jpg" /></a>I know some people who struck gold in the family and in-law departments. They are dead, live far away, or are actually very cool people. Me ... well, you win some you lose some. I kid, I kid. I am richly blessed in the family department but, like everyone, there are frustrations.<br />
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But the point is family relationships have been a very important in my life, and those crazy characters influencing the childhood of my girls are definitely important for them. So I will maintain because I think it is best. And because I am hoping to pay it forward so that someday when the phone rings and my name and 3D image appears on the futuristic caller-ID, my girls pick up the phone.<br />
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</b><br />
<b>What are the benefits and challenges you face with your family?</b> In retrospect, what are some of your most treasured holiday/family memories? And oh yeah, Happy Holidays and much love. Stuff in some figgy pudding, tank up on wasil and hope your family dinner isn't fodder for Jerry Springer.Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-70655962394715543332010-11-15T22:36:00.002-06:002010-11-15T22:37:29.642-06:00Don't Hate Me Because I am Blog-iful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: inherit; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghufgPn_N_EeaWg4gqVSuUt05oNKBvgiXACdHWoYGqCki9KNGto0Bz8RFA2DR_F-EoXZlNI9cj1_jXMQ3RPdZ2KFmhX8lD3txYAIxPSfgutjf4x7bHb8IcvqNCJSMhbq_tt0Rdf_ETlkM/s1600/kelly+lebrokMTc2Mw%3D%3D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghufgPn_N_EeaWg4gqVSuUt05oNKBvgiXACdHWoYGqCki9KNGto0Bz8RFA2DR_F-EoXZlNI9cj1_jXMQ3RPdZ2KFmhX8lD3txYAIxPSfgutjf4x7bHb8IcvqNCJSMhbq_tt0Rdf_ETlkM/s200/kelly+lebrokMTc2Mw%3D%3D.jpg" width="170" /></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><<<<span style="font-size: small;"> Kelly Le Brock, how could we hate you when you gave us luxurious Pantene hair AND "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weird_Science_%28film%29">Weird Science</a>"???</span></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">And now a string of seemingly unrelated stories ...</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">-- <b>I hate memoirs</b>. No matter how well-written, how riveting, by the time I am halfway through I am hating on the author. Come on, to be so filled with thoughts about oneself that you write an entire book? I was taught that was "bragging" or at least "acting hot-shot." Seriously it doesn't matter who wrote it -- I start feeling that way. After four chapters of reading about a nun who served with Mother Teresa in Calcutta all I can think is, <i>'on and on with leprosy, at least you got to travel.'</i></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>-- Ichsnay on the Talkie-Talkersons</b>. I took a class my freshman year of college entitled, "Ethics in Society." I remember only a few things from the class. One is the girl next to me with the folder displaying "Eth<u><b>n</b></u>ics in Society" in extra-wide Sharpie marker. She either never realized the difference between ethics and ethnics or did but wasn't embarrassed about the misunderstanding.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Secondly, I remember a girl. Let's call her "Liz". That was actually her name, I can't come up with her last name but I vividly recall her glinty eyes and unusually big hands which gesticulated wildly as she talked. And talked, and talked, and talked. She was smarter, louder, and way more aggressive than the rest of us. Incidentally, she really hated me. It might have been because at 18 I didn't know my Bosnia from my Herzegovina or because I have lady-like hands and a sunny disposition. Her constant narration and cool, edgy devil's advocate-style was actually painful. Sort of like a constant assault. You get my point. And if you don't, because really who would ... stay tuned.</span></div><a name='more'></a><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Apocalypse Now</b>. When I was a kid I thought that if two people, any two people, ended up being the last two people on earth they would get to know each other well enough that eventually they would really love each other. As an adult I came to think that if two people, any two people, ended up being the last two people on earth that would get to know each other well enough that eventually they would really hate each other. My fantasy turned from one of discovered friendship to two people taking advantage of abandoned cityscapes to hide from one another. It seemed inevitable that after too much exposure to someone the flaws, idiosyncrasies, and crack pot opinions would just be too much.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxV1AOgyDV7JcrpJvIdkYw1ylYlAAMtwAWuR5AHEwwXEb6Ve_VBjex00gArZhb2Tut7pTaZ2AYXoKPVVDzvqAjbXnafTelIhcYsmD4ca6fPo-KeT_5bYAyf5IxGNit_ca_OsyTOcHNbU/s1600/postapocart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxV1AOgyDV7JcrpJvIdkYw1ylYlAAMtwAWuR5AHEwwXEb6Ve_VBjex00gArZhb2Tut7pTaZ2AYXoKPVVDzvqAjbXnafTelIhcYsmD4ca6fPo-KeT_5bYAyf5IxGNit_ca_OsyTOcHNbU/s200/postapocart.jpg" width="150" /></a></span><span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><<< <span style="font-size: small;">You can run but you can't hide</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">,</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> there is blogging even in the post-apocalyptic world (but I think Facebook bit it)!</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>All these things = too much exposure.</b> Death (or dislike) by too much talking. I can just imagine the scenario in which I offend someone ...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">"I was with her until she wrote that thing about man hands on a lady" ...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">"Why does she always reference the apocalypse? It's so off-putting!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">"She sure uses a lot of extra punctuation, yo." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> ... and next thing you know people see me coming down the aisle at the grocery and duck around the corner to avoid eye contact.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">You are not going to agree with me -- my own husband doesn't -- and moreover, I don't even agree with myself sometimes. I have<a href="http://bpd.about.com/od/glossary/g/lability.htm"> mood-lability</a>, I am impulsive, prone to fits of rage and passion, and tend to speak in hyperbole. Put that all together and you have the makings of, well, <b>this blog</b>.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am not getting it exactly right, and by the nature of the</span><span style="font-size: small;"> blog beast, I am talking way too much (blogiful). But please don't avoid me. Because I believe, really believe, that we can save the world by relearning the lost art of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_discourse">civil discourse</a>. When we model this for our children they come to see disagreement not as cause for polarization, hate, and red/blue divisions; but just as a fact of life and an opportunity for a peek at another point of view. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So let me know what you think. </span><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Why do you think we so instinctively feel defensive when we disagree with someone?</i> To what biology or aspect of human nature do you attribute this and how do you think it impacts your personal life and, on a macro-level, global politics? <i>How is the art of civil discourse alive and well in your life?</i></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: small;">.</span> </div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-47376974909652368062010-10-27T11:42:00.000-05:002010-10-27T11:42:04.815-05:00A festive Halloween post ... with razor-blade apples.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtosXhLUecfH9GnGm5uEplaJSVUPn3FMTbqzq1d5lbTm3wGeQaJY89P_Ezm2kvUZPFRKc6LqRLbzjXGAG5qjmWTSUB9HRwC_YDeKczV077bupTg5HQz16DEeHNIu40qioMFyjj8WX0P00/s1600/candy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtosXhLUecfH9GnGm5uEplaJSVUPn3FMTbqzq1d5lbTm3wGeQaJY89P_Ezm2kvUZPFRKc6LqRLbzjXGAG5qjmWTSUB9HRwC_YDeKczV077bupTg5HQz16DEeHNIu40qioMFyjj8WX0P00/s200/candy.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Remember when we were kids and someone put a razor blade in an apple? From then on your parents always fished out the apples, leaving you only the sugary candy.<br />
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Ummm....like sharp objects couldn't be placed into something else? Was this a plan hatched by the <a href="http://www.retrojunk.com/details_commercial/1389">Cavity Creeps</a> ... eradicate the healthy food from the trick-or-treat bag? Next thing you knew, people were lining up at the hospital to have their Halloween candy X-rayed. Geez! Doesn't this seem like a failure of imagination?<br />
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Like that fun 80s anecdote, an excessive emphasis on outside influences seldom helps. We lose when we are just <b>reacting</b>. We spend all this time sorting metaphorical candy when we really should be educating our kids and setting a foundation so they simply avoid treats that look weird. (that is supposed to be metaphor for equipping kids to say no to dangerous behaviors because you have given them a strong sense of internal morality -- that was totally clear, right?)<br />
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In other words: the focus belongs not on the evil world around us, but on the culture and climate <i>inside </i>the home. My theory: to accomplish this we need, A) <b>boundaries</b> and, B) <b>communication</b>. It is still in hypothesis mode, so let me lay it out for you and you tell me what you think ...<br />
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<a name='more'></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVztGIE9xzEL8_83JRB1VYnsWZ7aPAvcUaSgvPH6jldeUC4AcAE6S2c16UBAGRP0_Vzmitj13eo6V4vhIRX1Fmu0myIU6ymmab4Kq6yURNnFjAjiswOLM7T2x3Ls3r0k5082_no1NbIsE/s1600/chariliebrown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVztGIE9xzEL8_83JRB1VYnsWZ7aPAvcUaSgvPH6jldeUC4AcAE6S2c16UBAGRP0_Vzmitj13eo6V4vhIRX1Fmu0myIU6ymmab4Kq6yURNnFjAjiswOLM7T2x3Ls3r0k5082_no1NbIsE/s1600/chariliebrown.jpg" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">How did these kids turn out so good, I never even saw their parents?>>></span></span><br />
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So much in life boils down to <b>boundaries</b>. Become too rigid and you create an evil world vs. perfect family, and the result is that nothing can get in <i>or</i> out. It's a stifling environment that sends a message that there's few options for what is acceptable. Expectation and pressure causes kids to react to this in a myriad of ways, but whether they aim to please or totally rebel, the end result usually isn't too pretty.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghiQLhi6neNUV6Ifc9N29MK_lgyyg75P3lNZImHxR3SSFQO4ADTgK2TgrK2uuANb2ZnhkFFYnAJ3KA2GhkC7o6EtIrMh71UTZpibd711-fAyX0wqpDnL_V6IyS6k3QUxZ-7z6kQ77lPC8/s1600/chariliebrown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"> </a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghiQLhi6neNUV6Ifc9N29MK_lgyyg75P3lNZImHxR3SSFQO4ADTgK2TgrK2uuANb2ZnhkFFYnAJ3KA2GhkC7o6EtIrMh71UTZpibd711-fAyX0wqpDnL_V6IyS6k3QUxZ-7z6kQ77lPC8/s1600/chariliebrown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"> </a></div>And I don't even need to extol the dangers of the opposite: loosey goosey, sieve like boundaries that just lets any old candy into the bag. There is a god's plenty that children have no business being exposed to, and we are duty-bound to protect them. When something crosses a line a not-open-for-negotiation smack-down of the ABSOLUTELY NOT variety is in order. I'd like to think I'm always open for discussion and explaining "why not" to my kids, but sometimes the answer is "NO!"<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCX0GPXjMwM4qjN-z9BNyx16kY7OUxQIemdgDxFXwKisYM7_OnUtQNHMeAPJdx6LXejMmBVkSEmWb5laij5p6w0QxyBTyyBrxl5P5m4T9GksW3GpJmAlaAjbBWKomnpUA0KFietaqOga8/s1600/hauntedhouse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCX0GPXjMwM4qjN-z9BNyx16kY7OUxQIemdgDxFXwKisYM7_OnUtQNHMeAPJdx6LXejMmBVkSEmWb5laij5p6w0QxyBTyyBrxl5P5m4T9GksW3GpJmAlaAjbBWKomnpUA0KFietaqOga8/s200/hauntedhouse.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"><<< It <i>can</i> be a scary out there</span></span><br />
I am backed in my belief that parents often over-react to the idea of peer influence by local therapist and co-author of the Lawrence Journal World column, "Double Take", <a href="http://www.ftimidwest.com/">Wes Crenshaw, PhD</a>. He contends that peer influence is greatly overstated. Kids don't choose behaviors merely because they saw them. Parents everywhere, rejoice! Even when they may stray, their foundation sends them home. We are, and we remain, their strongest influence.<br />
<br />
Continuing on to factor two: <b>communication</b>. We will establish standards, make our expectations clear, and crystallize <i>this</i> family's belief system in a non-judgmental fashion. We will take responsibility for the behavior of our children and expect them to do the same. And I will keep the road between our home and the world a two-way street (albeit a tightly patrolled two-way street) by keeping in mind the following:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"For parents, that means it’s important to not only tell your kids what’s right and wrong but to tell them <b>why</b>. An idea with a good foundation is far better than an idea that’s been beaten into place repeatedly with the same circular reasoning ... that means we need to take a look at what we think and question where that finds its root. How many of our beliefs are actually assumptions? If we find no root, now is the time to plant, to turn to those wiser than us and really ask why. Our roots are important. If we become satisfied with weak roots, then the idea they support topples over. Instead, plant strong roots, which starts with asking why." -(emphasis mine, Ben Markley, Sept. 7th, <a href="http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2010/sep/07/double-take-peer-pressure-will-persist-through-ado/">"Double Take"</a>)</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYglAXBOcewVojWo3qQXd4YvCK6-kFLrNJpjG-owWM6sgAuF_yXySwhOex_pNEm-QFfDgoyd-JcAcp20jFPgWl1WiDZdLNztOqVKVk3cnaAGfMJZEF0gGH2yHQ4eThDNQ0WRITn0gMbb4/s1600/safehalloween.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYglAXBOcewVojWo3qQXd4YvCK6-kFLrNJpjG-owWM6sgAuF_yXySwhOex_pNEm-QFfDgoyd-JcAcp20jFPgWl1WiDZdLNztOqVKVk3cnaAGfMJZEF0gGH2yHQ4eThDNQ0WRITn0gMbb4/s320/safehalloween.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I feel about the outside world very much how I feel about Halloween. Spooky and potentially dangerous? Yes. But I really <b>do</b> want to participate. And if I am pre-occupied with the behaviors of others or all the horrifying scenarios that are out of my control, we will never make it out the door, hence missing that house that gives out FULL SIZE candy bars. snap!<br />
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The bottom line: this world is where we live and connect. This world benefits from the two bright souls under my roof. And the world also offers them enriching experiences and outside relationships.<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin: 0px;">I know the focus belongs on my family ... and that if we get it right (not perfect, just aiming for not totally screwing it up here) my children will be equipped to deal with spooky tricks on their own and partake in (mostly wholesome) treats. So, let the supervised and rule-enforced trick-or-treating begin!</div><br />
Ongoing dialog and boundaries are but a start. I want to hear more tips, tricks, and treats from you. All of this is easy for me to say with a small kids, but those of you with older kids and more experience may have a totally different take. And I also want to hear about how the relationship between your family and the world plays out in real time and in real situations. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Now back to those razor blades. Was there any truth to that story? According to <a href="http://my-retrospace.blogspot.com/2008/10/apples-and-razor-blades.html">a very cool source</a> whose validity I can not vouch for:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"Turns out there were isolated cases of booby trapped Halloween treats. Most turned out to be either hoaxes or within the family (i.e. a parent harming their own child)."</span></span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">I love it when an analogy comes together! Thanks and much love, readers!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQDyrH63yUS7lFECV5EBnP62IITx4AhEoQoNfr9LrOVlM4h-V4dUh3HjM0504oGZiwiMDEbRR0vKS0oBJmkZ1S_AgpsKZsRePI3_rH6x9cKaNhPOdEf7PiFYrdXP3v7qK3uU7iCGUPAo/s1600/razor+apple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQDyrH63yUS7lFECV5EBnP62IITx4AhEoQoNfr9LrOVlM4h-V4dUh3HjM0504oGZiwiMDEbRR0vKS0oBJmkZ1S_AgpsKZsRePI3_rH6x9cKaNhPOdEf7PiFYrdXP3v7qK3uU7iCGUPAo/s200/razor+apple.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-61411967393149994152010-10-10T23:37:00.001-05:002010-10-13T11:06:36.881-05:00Gee Manee, Cricket -- Enough Already!"If you are watching fanatically over the <i>morality</i> of your children you may yourself be not completely in order." - <a href="http://www.korczak.org.uk/portfolio/jk1.html"><i>Janusz Korczak</i></a>, How to Love a Child<br />
<b> </b> <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxoADuQfZkp3tn6mLCjzpi9dl5NmHakFuKIIzfJmcF_NwFDYjlQv7v7Qe6_oB42CyBLMlQAZ-Wbbal24XNlwK_gxnrF3IyCw7DslI-eSDttFfdFtotmba6ltHl-Pmsh3mcC8NjCjbJNSA/s1600/pinocchio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxoADuQfZkp3tn6mLCjzpi9dl5NmHakFuKIIzfJmcF_NwFDYjlQv7v7Qe6_oB42CyBLMlQAZ-Wbbal24XNlwK_gxnrF3IyCw7DslI-eSDttFfdFtotmba6ltHl-Pmsh3mcC8NjCjbJNSA/s200/pinocchio.jpg" width="200" /></a>When I wrote about my daughter's love of admonishing rule-breakers in "<a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-always-feel-like-somebodys-watching.html">i always feel like someone is watching me</a>" it was really just a funny anecdote to segue into an exploration of how I compulsively and harshly judge myself.<br />
<br />
But then... I became hyper-aware of my daughter's obsession with rules. And I started to wonder if it was "normal." Not the preoccupation aspect; I got that. And by-the-bye, thank God for child development class or I would have totally pathologized that too. But rather, I became concerned she wasn't more able to apply the rules to herself. I was consumed with the thought that, despite my best efforts, she <b>WASN'T GETTING IT</b>. <br />
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Then I had the privilege to witness something. A moment of grace. A moment where I was caught so by surprise by the beautiful nature of my daughter's spirit, that finally and thankfully, my analytical brain was superseded long enough for<i> me</i> to <b>GET IT</b>.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi452pnpjmpPOJjfVNhnQsD93DmS6GyeQwFS49Ak95f5-DmOIjcqY23wIRa_s6TYlIadbsSZ8kQCnZlpGlPj8-tZQDkv7Hj78p9HmngplAhNC6xsYGgFLR2f_vLpF2fHDiC0GzereU1OpA/s1600/family-child-love-give-350x263.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi452pnpjmpPOJjfVNhnQsD93DmS6GyeQwFS49Ak95f5-DmOIjcqY23wIRa_s6TYlIadbsSZ8kQCnZlpGlPj8-tZQDkv7Hj78p9HmngplAhNC6xsYGgFLR2f_vLpF2fHDiC0GzereU1OpA/s200/family-child-love-give-350x263.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>In a nutshell, my kid witnessed one child running down another child. It was a brutal hit-and-run that left the girl crumpled and crying. My daughter was shaken to her core. She first listed all the rules that were violated. Then, she just kept talking about it; turning over what she had seen. <br />
<div class="caption clearfix" style="text-align: right;"><div class="column"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo: © 2009 Jupiterimages Corporation </span></div></div><br />
I gasped. I goose-bumped. My daughter was not just concerned about the broken rule count ... she was concerned about these <i>children</i>. She felt care and concern for both of these kids; kids she doesn't know and will likely never see again.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip2c_VER8pL0n4CsGGEMDi2fwUVLndjl4nC8WdnvuP1yzj8btnomxfiH8vyR78aW-wnIF27x2Rcss2O6XmXWeFcmCuQY3rnCbGgfEfzjclicSCp6Dwmzv-udu8772YvwzLyA5JFO42Zwk/s1600/dandelion2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip2c_VER8pL0n4CsGGEMDi2fwUVLndjl4nC8WdnvuP1yzj8btnomxfiH8vyR78aW-wnIF27x2Rcss2O6XmXWeFcmCuQY3rnCbGgfEfzjclicSCp6Dwmzv-udu8772YvwzLyA5JFO42Zwk/s320/dandelion2.jpg" /></a></div>Okay, so this is getting to be an awfully big nutshell but I was reminded of something pretty significant: my daughter cares very deeply for others. She is inherently empathetic with a sky-high<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence"> emotional quotient</a> (if I do say so myself). This "obsession" with rules is developmentally normal but her attention to the safety and well-being of others is also because she <i>really </i>cares.<br />
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And I was wrong, she isn't <b>always</b> forgetting the rules when it comes to her own behavior. Not even close. I was just so worried I wasn't seeing the fact that my kid is (mostly) well-behaved and compassionate. And when she momentarily forgets the rules, when she <i>does </i>grab from her sister or race out the door without telling me? That can probably be explained by the fact that she is 4. Not 40. So she is sometimes impulsive and forgetful. She sometimes wants something so badly she has a lapse.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPEjFCGtiQoSuIch7yg6vbXHc9F7tB7TrAADjFgWIZkTLeGu2w_UJcmnrhp4RUs1LzloFpjjd1nZdFqWCB_j1sx5vROt8gZDbr-bDmkrpfRnZp-8eMdte8Wf8RhBSlF5NcXf-rhJabbis/s1600/yellowdand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPEjFCGtiQoSuIch7yg6vbXHc9F7tB7TrAADjFgWIZkTLeGu2w_UJcmnrhp4RUs1LzloFpjjd1nZdFqWCB_j1sx5vROt8gZDbr-bDmkrpfRnZp-8eMdte8Wf8RhBSlF5NcXf-rhJabbis/s200/yellowdand.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><<<<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> S</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">uddenly this looks more flower-esque than weed-like</span><br />
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She doesn't look 40-- frankly she is on the small side and doesn't look a day over her 4 years. So why did<i> I</i> forget <i>that</i>? Why did I not seek to explain or frame her behavior in a way that gave props to her beautiful nature? Why was I so ready to see evidence of botched parenting? What else does my compulsion for moral instruction leave me not seeing, or seeing wrongheadedly? <br />
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Has there ever been a time your own parenting agenda blinded you to what was really happening? Is there something true about your child that it took you a while to get?Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-72367310792589871322010-10-02T11:15:00.004-05:002010-10-03T13:08:20.351-05:00mixed tape for my peeps<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgzBfzUcUhornZjL40YMFgRldN-12IF-8UscCjHwlFQSr0vnTumXsereAVgUtKXvYPdrExPl4ZL9FGtgjHFduHNVmBSmy2ox6NATClB8aS_KXGcZlw9t6CyII70yj3TCi3hrU2TB-9kuI/s1600/mixedtape.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgzBfzUcUhornZjL40YMFgRldN-12IF-8UscCjHwlFQSr0vnTumXsereAVgUtKXvYPdrExPl4ZL9FGtgjHFduHNVmBSmy2ox6NATClB8aS_KXGcZlw9t6CyII70yj3TCi3hrU2TB-9kuI/s200/mixedtape.jpg" width="160" /></a> Thanks and much love for the awesome suggestions on "<a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/09/rock-out-with-your-cacophony-out.html">rock out with your cacophony out</a>. I made you a playlist to show my gratitude--and it rocks.</center><center>FYI- F-bomb alert for the first song. If you have more suggestions, post them in the comment section and I will add. Also-if you make a playlist, please share the link in the comment section. </center><center>Enjoy: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.mixpod.com/playlist/67890436" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1285982117_0">http://www.mixpod.com/playlist/67890436</span></a></div><br />
<embed bgcolor="222222" border="0" flashvars="mycolor=222222&mycolor2=77ADD1&mycolor3=FFFFFF&autoplay=false&rand=0&f=4&vol=100&pat=0&grad=false" height="311" name="myflashfetish" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" quality="high" salign="TL" src="http://assets.mixpod.com/swf/mp3/mixpod.swf?myid=67890436&path=2010/09/26" style="height: 311px; visibility: visible; width: 410px;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="410" wmode="window"></embed></div></center>t.e.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08065828989248127249noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-59357186119723469352010-09-25T20:38:00.000-05:002010-09-25T20:38:31.607-05:00Ad Nauseum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdw7Xvc8R2QYlZRZNup4hD_K2iDWbRAe2etaVaKGg3zBZpL8NXtBvCjwGq6T4E_7XTAljtAWMSHvmx2iGC3npUsiHThAjaUPUjLnASneYRCZ8GVXAPvSDMiLKCtIix9A5OgqcCvVSSr8Y/s1600/heartlock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdw7Xvc8R2QYlZRZNup4hD_K2iDWbRAe2etaVaKGg3zBZpL8NXtBvCjwGq6T4E_7XTAljtAWMSHvmx2iGC3npUsiHThAjaUPUjLnASneYRCZ8GVXAPvSDMiLKCtIix9A5OgqcCvVSSr8Y/s320/heartlock.jpg" /></a>Sometimes I am hesitant to write or talk about matters close to my heart.<br />
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This hesitation stems from a fear that my writing, my thoughts, my life is all one big plagiarization. It's true: subjects and issues close to my heart are very often close to the hearts of many others as well ... close to the hearts of people who started their blog a long time ago, or wrote a book, or went on TV ... or talked your freakin' ear off at last week's playgroup.<br />
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In other words, <b>I fear I can't bring anything new or original to the table</b>. I never took Latin but <b style="color: #0b5394;">ad nauseum</b> and <b style="color: #351c75;">nausea</b> seem too close to be purely coincidental.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_OHePMdSIPY6OvwCLRaGs87NaLlY4hAYK9NChCl04JVCxk7kejAKwrwBFgQ_EpqPmxqeG9TCTY6Wg0i9Pr5HfuFrfRsWouFCtDx0_bTzg_Wy5ODHltbOkpkrWpjav15Rz9a2rFlqMzlU/s1600/shutmouth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_OHePMdSIPY6OvwCLRaGs87NaLlY4hAYK9NChCl04JVCxk7kejAKwrwBFgQ_EpqPmxqeG9TCTY6Wg0i9Pr5HfuFrfRsWouFCtDx0_bTzg_Wy5ODHltbOkpkrWpjav15Rz9a2rFlqMzlU/s320/shutmouth.jpg" /></a> <span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Shut Your Mouth', Eda Akaltun, 2008</span></div><br />
But lately some events have blown the lid clean off of my writer's block and rendered this fear obsolete. By drawing information and inspiration from many sources, I now see how this connects us. It allows us to share, to make the whole greater than the sum of our parts. I'm finding the highest level of learning occurs during synthesis after all. Here's what has led to this personal enlightenment: <br />
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<a name='more'></a>+ A post about the subject of originality written by my cousin. <a href="http://crunchybetty.com/?p=149">Read it</a> yourself for the details, but what I took away is the fact that fear of unoriginality can tie you up, keep you from doing <i>anything</i>.<br />
The truth is: yes, it probably HAS been done -- and that's okay. Apparently there is even a <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+1%3A9&version=NIV">verse</a> about it the Bible. That totally takes the pressure off! <br />
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+ Secondly, I got introduced to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell">Joseph Campbell.</a> And my life will never be the same. This genius took the concept of universal themes to an unprecedented level. He found a common thread in myth and story, written across time and space by disparate people in far away places. What this revealed about our collective fears, questions, and experiences is life-affirming, and amazing. In "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hero-Thousand-Faces-Bollingen/dp/1577315936/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274985754&sr=8-1">Hero with a Thousand Faces</a>" he asks ...<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsQ4rxenjBaY8tksv2bVvVudL_SG3t_JRSc10RuBtVkD7CgQua2KH5KfV9CyWr1UyZI9NV2Wl9p3YKDtgPNWOqBj0u3cEdeGJUUkLe-4Sod6gdv6JP372xRkBwIz7lCC2hRQmiNP-4Yxs/s1600/humanity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsQ4rxenjBaY8tksv2bVvVudL_SG3t_JRSc10RuBtVkD7CgQua2KH5KfV9CyWr1UyZI9NV2Wl9p3YKDtgPNWOqBj0u3cEdeGJUUkLe-4Sod6gdv6JP372xRkBwIz7lCC2hRQmiNP-4Yxs/s320/humanity.jpg" /></a><br />
<div style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>"What is the secret of the timeless vision? From what profundity of the mind does it derive? Why is mythology everywhere the same, beneath its varieties of costume? And what does it teach?</i>" </span> </div><br />
+ Lastly, the comments generated from past posts, "<a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/07/brain-food.html">brainfood</a>" and "<a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/06/gin-and-dys-tonic-part-i-of-ii.html">gin and dystonic</a>," really blew my mind. A hundred billion bottles have washed up on the shore and it seems we are <b>not</b> alone at feeling alone. The messages in these bottles (i.e., comment section) had a connecting theme: <i>we are all afraid.</i> Afraid of our own crazy measurements and standards, afraid of judgment (our own and others) and, GOD FORBID, putting something out that isn't THE best. <br />
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That we have shared experience AND the drive to make meaning out of our experiences isn't lame, or cliche, or unoriginal. It essentially and fundamentally <i>human</i>. By offering my thoughts and experiences, I am participating in humanity. That's not nauseating; it's powerful. (Well, the experience of writing this is powerful <i>for me</i> -- while reading, <i>you</i> may occasionally feel a bit sick to your stomach).<br />
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We don't live our lives in our head, or at least we shouldn't. Out here in the real world is where we are making connections ... where we are the most alive. I am so deeply grateful to be making those connections with my friends and readers.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkBYGQLjVN27iQH5SEZOZeq5z5NN0DLqBPDRxEBC-8Bj-Feq-QvejIAt7iFwGd6jkZoM7UkfWj5A18wk0K6hiCZStYeDEf7F8PAuS5GAt7f3-p4MvsM_GzCrDw16Y6aEQ0gw8K3NWdK-E/s1600/OPENMOUTH.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkBYGQLjVN27iQH5SEZOZeq5z5NN0DLqBPDRxEBC-8Bj-Feq-QvejIAt7iFwGd6jkZoM7UkfWj5A18wk0K6hiCZStYeDEf7F8PAuS5GAt7f3-p4MvsM_GzCrDw16Y6aEQ0gw8K3NWdK-E/s320/OPENMOUTH.jpg" /></a></div>We all keep our mouths shut when we feel like opening them. Maybe we fear what we have to say isn't smart enough or original enough. Whatever your reasons are, throw them out! And throw down your ideas. I want to hear what "universal themes" are present your life. What moves or touches you about your experiences as a parent or about our collective humanity?<br />
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P.S. This post has been gestating for months. I would like to dedicate its birth to my friend and favorite vagabond as he embarks on a nomadic journey. Here's wishing you a happy, safe, and globally meaningful journey,Chris! Follow his travles here: <a href="http://selfmockery.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1285085226_0">http://selfmockery.wordpress.com/</span></a>Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-10681336563080932222010-09-11T17:59:00.000-05:002010-09-11T17:59:53.428-05:00Rock Out with your Cacophony Out<div style="margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt;">Listening to the radio while driving recently, I caught a snippet about how marketers determine a demographic's musical preference. They take their target group's age and then subtract back to the time that demographic was in the 18-22 range. So, if the radio station was wooing 50 year-olds, they just would conjure up the Billboard Top 100 list from 1978-1982-ish.</div><div style="margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga73l8LGY4-mbn_t4qAlLxNJsJKBvkPmO9mQXvyLmcxdwYSXUFglpXBEF9tYRClaJ8ccmVMMlQLname2XCIIvA-LpjT6vbapwS80UfOaRcdJ8iTjhhrq54dgzWRknFO_ygbmySPN7RR4k/s1600/gnr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga73l8LGY4-mbn_t4qAlLxNJsJKBvkPmO9mQXvyLmcxdwYSXUFglpXBEF9tYRClaJ8ccmVMMlQLname2XCIIvA-LpjT6vbapwS80UfOaRcdJ8iTjhhrq54dgzWRknFO_ygbmySPN7RR4k/s320/gnr.jpg" /></a><br />
<div style="margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt;">This just incensed me -- the <i>nerve</i> of these marketing types. Wouldn't they just love it if we were all so easy to figure out. Just put us in one of a few preset boxes, simply plug in the variables and cha-ching: it' a sale.<br />
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</div>Well, people are just a bit more fluid and dynamic than that, I thought. <b>DAMN THE MAN!</b> I switched off the report, cranked up "Guns-N-Roses" and gunned my <a href="http://www.pandora.com/music/song/dead+milkmen/bitchin+camaro">bitchin Camaro</a> down the street (you can totally listen at that link, you're welcome).<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWWiqYHi7CqGKE6GJJHN6X4JLfjpvl7hyphenhyphenLMQR7GC1xLY8Yl2xFWOCvVpT7OcLhCNS97LmBiJ_qYWWD8tOtzbHv9QnUczwb7KHWdt8KrH-0MyPvS-Colnz-xEAfpfFOlxnr9vzGcb9o-ls/s1600/bitchin+camaro.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWWiqYHi7CqGKE6GJJHN6X4JLfjpvl7hyphenhyphenLMQR7GC1xLY8Yl2xFWOCvVpT7OcLhCNS97LmBiJ_qYWWD8tOtzbHv9QnUczwb7KHWdt8KrH-0MyPvS-Colnz-xEAfpfFOlxnr9vzGcb9o-ls/s320/bitchin+camaro.jpg" /></a></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> <<< This was my car in high school. Now imagine it loaded with four or five white, western Kansas girls singing "Nuthin' but a G Thang". </span><br />
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Problem is, I realize that every time I attempt to rock out, it's the '90s staring back at me. It makes me sad. What happened here? I remember shaking my head at a group of "older" ladies in a club one evening when I was in college -- in retrospect they were probably only 34, which as we all know is <u>quite young</u>, :-) -- and you could tell by their tight-rolled jeans and <a href="http://www.shoemall.com/product/Eastland-Mens-Seneca-Boot-Tan-626574">Eastland boots</a> the exact year that must have been their <i>best</i> year. It was frozen in time for us to see at that moment. <br />
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I was convinced this would never happen to me. Remember when you were in high school and one kid had the "cool" mom. She just got it. She wasn't trying to be a uncomfortably youthful, and she wasn't stuck in her era. She was hip to the current scene. She had a fresh style and a relaxed attitude.<i> That was so gonna be me.</i> <br />
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And yet ... every time I fire up the iPod it's all Beastie Boys, Chili Peppers, STP, The Refreshments, Rugburns, Weezer, and Oasis ... you catch my (stale) drift.<br />
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<div style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzVofrOmWveMSoOcse3GrDkzaxASRuIRe8_tCLcg1MwCg2e6LP0X-WNfwRetdHoG5VYdbjZyYKeNeLrsOn5adstXPSTQdOfwMJPv5LhV43sw-uIT8gHgElcqPkP8h4bc2ZyeJnB7YPyDg/s1600/beastie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzVofrOmWveMSoOcse3GrDkzaxASRuIRe8_tCLcg1MwCg2e6LP0X-WNfwRetdHoG5VYdbjZyYKeNeLrsOn5adstXPSTQdOfwMJPv5LhV43sw-uIT8gHgElcqPkP8h4bc2ZyeJnB7YPyDg/s320/beastie2.jpg" /></a> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><<< I can't forsake them, they gave me my license to ill</span>.</div><br />
So now I worry. Marketing is successful for a reason. Where does this leave me? Where are my boundaries as a mother? Is it like my iPod playlist? A key component of both good mental health and a healthy family structure are good boundaries.<br />
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We have to look more closely at this, at ourselves. Be careful what's on our playlist. Can't be so loosey goosey that every boy band gets in, <b>BUT</b> neither can we be sooo rigid that the White Stripes aren't allowed.<br />
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So take a look at your parenting playlist. Is Justin Beiber on there? Perhaps your boundaries are too loose. You will try and be besties with your children and be overly permissive. It is highly likely you will embarrass them: sporting a muffin top and trying to use the language of the day. But you'll fail. It won't be "phat" or "off-the-hook," just lame.<br />
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Is "Wonderwall" the newest song you've got? Then too rigid. When your children grow and change you will find it too difficult to make the necessary adjustments. Their friends will be dancin' to the latest hit song, actually using an iPod. You're fumbling for that cassette tape and toting a boombox. Just precious. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhneuUHoF9CIi7ueGy1V4yH_9Y-45sfurCuswNGxx4KUNSUjs_ZPCBjN0zPP2WRiZm0aQ2qRiI__ZIQNfea3c3PaoJ7R2M8Df1gQfGvS_TvSRadyyFOvcxQI45e1vhPQGtF4kTiTtNNcxA/s1600/ipod1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhneuUHoF9CIi7ueGy1V4yH_9Y-45sfurCuswNGxx4KUNSUjs_ZPCBjN0zPP2WRiZm0aQ2qRiI__ZIQNfea3c3PaoJ7R2M8Df1gQfGvS_TvSRadyyFOvcxQI45e1vhPQGtF4kTiTtNNcxA/s320/ipod1.jpg" /></a> <br />
Here is where you come in. Help me make sure I don't fail as a parent. Take two minutes and send me the top songs and/or albums on your current favorite playlist. I'll buy them on iTunes, put them on my new playlist and listen to how far out of touch I've fallen. It is part of an experiment. I'll listen and consider where I'm at with current music styles, and my parenting style. I will report back to you on what I've learned or if I am changed. <br />
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Maybe I will become a better parent, or at least a better dresser. Or maybe I'll just have a bunch of new songs. I did hear that the <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2164621_tight-roll-jeans.html">tight roll</a> is coming back. Hmmm ...<br />
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And as promised it is give away time. Think I can't get cheaper than <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/07/brain-food.html">Franzia</a>? Well think again--I am going cheap AND old school on this one! Leave a comment and you are entered to win a burned copy of my current play-list, as-is, pre-updates. The winner can feel free to mock out.Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-48864144212653253852010-09-07T21:27:00.000-05:002010-09-07T21:27:37.736-05:00streetwalkers update 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg98a83ZM-zSCRLaQDcVQUPJgataLfixuHVUzXm9iyHHuw9mlILi5IFJwMmvC1V1IKLsasTdGlKoNz1rg3N5antfAPeN2GTnSgYZzjB8SXU49MKhypEqI00QLa-JjCW1M_TikYT54hxHhs/s1600/lindaham2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg98a83ZM-zSCRLaQDcVQUPJgataLfixuHVUzXm9iyHHuw9mlILi5IFJwMmvC1V1IKLsasTdGlKoNz1rg3N5antfAPeN2GTnSgYZzjB8SXU49MKhypEqI00QLa-JjCW1M_TikYT54hxHhs/s200/lindaham2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>There are some really exciting things to put on your calendars. Okay, really exciting if the thought of walking around safely makes you as giddy as it does me. (see inception of pedestrian/Linda Hamilton mania <a href="http://heymothersletsbesisters.blogspot.com/2010/04/streetwalkers.html">here</a>)<br />
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-A volunteer opportunity! Be involved in taking a count of cyclists and pedestrians. These numbers are going to be used for exciting and official things! Here are the details:<br />
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The city of Lawrence is seeking volunteers for its second annual Bicycle and Pedestrian Count. Counts will be conducted from <b>10 a.m. to noon and 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. on Sept. 15, a Wednesday, and noon to 2 p.m. Sept. 18, a Saturday.</b> Volunteers will manually count bicyclists and pedestrians at several locations across the city, and will need to attend a mandatory training session prior to their scheduled count day. <b>Training sessions will be from 6 p.m. to 7 p.m. Sept. 13 or 11 a.m. to noon Sept. 14 at the City Commission Room in Lawrence City Hall, 6 E. Sixth St. </b><br />
For more information or to RSVP, contact Jessica Mortinger at jmortinger@ ci.lawrence.ks.us, or call 832-3165.-<a href="http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2010/aug/02/volunteers-sought-bike-pedestrian-event/">Lawrence Journal World</a><br />
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-A Complete Streets Presentation. This is kind of big deal. <a href="http://livewelllawrence.com/">Livewell Lawrence</a> is bringing a Complete Streets presentation here on <b>Wed., Sept. 29th, 6:30-8:00 in the City Commission Room at City Hall. </b><a href="http://www.completestreets.org/">Complete Streets </a> is the single most comprehensive, progressive, health promoting and infrastructure changing program out there. I am beyond jazzed that this presentation is happening. This meeting is open to the public and it is important to really turn out to ensure a loud voice and much support for this moving forward<b>. </b>S<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">how up and I will take you for a drink after; and if </span></b>you make even the slightest attempt to resemble Linda Hamilton I will buy you two.<br />
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Finally a BIG SHOUT out to my new connections at City Hall and Lawrence Memorial. I am being put to work and learning so much (details coming). We are so blessed to have such committed, intelligent, and motivated people in our community; let's all try not to run over them!Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.com2