tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post9183742421338078354..comments2023-03-21T19:18:39.762-05:00Comments on Hey Mothers, Let's Be Sisters!: please be nice to my friend (that's YOU!)Sister1http://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-10951279750140236152010-09-03T18:10:12.681-05:002010-09-03T18:10:12.681-05:00I am laughing because I had lots of similar though...I am laughing because I had lots of similar thoughts when I first heard/read this research. As someone that can assume "guilt" over things I have no control over (other people's feelings, the weather, etc) I TOTALLY know what you mean. Definitely not all guilt is appropriate, so when I think about Dr. Brown's stuff, I mentally sub out my weird impulses for that normal, appropriate feeling of your conscience calling when you know you did something not right. I assume that is what she was talking about-I guess she just hasn't met us! <br /><br />All this does leave me totally examining my proclivity to take on guilt and, occasionally, shame. It is incredibly uplifting to know we have CHOICES. It feels good to call it out and choose something different. How liberating. Especially the moving on part. Who knew you could do something other than feel awful and relive it for years on end. Wow! Love you and your passion!Sister1https://www.blogger.com/profile/09786361645370205353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2746397501270632970.post-36877419260570192372010-09-03T09:24:44.416-05:002010-09-03T09:24:44.416-05:00Thanks, and so are you... fabulous, that is!
I...Thanks, and so are you... fabulous, that is!<br /><br />I've historically carried a lot of guilt with me--not shame, according to the good Doctor's definition--over all, I've had an okay self-perception. But with respect to Dr. Brown, I'd have to say that guilt ain't so keen either. Can it be a tool to help keep us in check? Yes. But is it a healthy thing to carry around? I say no!<br /><br />We can carry guilt for things we have no business feeling guilty about. As an over-analyzer... if I'm not careful, I'll carry guilt for potentially having hurt someone's feelings, when in reality, they didn't give it a second thought. <br /><br />I think focusing on guilt puts too much focus on the self, and if we pile guilt upon guilt, could eventually lead to shame. We can just as easy carry a label of "guilty" as we can for any of the other shame labels we might choose to wear. Notice, I say "choose." This is one thing I've learned lately. I can reject those labels. <br /><br />I love that you speak to Shame as the enemy, saying that he "hates it" when we call him out. I agree. Anything that isn't beautiful, isn't of God and we can speak to it as an enemy. Identify the root of our pain. Give it a name. Reject it. Replace it with something beautiful.<br /><br />I am not Guilty, Condemned or Broken. I am Saved, Delivered and Healed (not by my own doing of course, I have Someone to thank for this). This is grace!<br /><br />Now this isn't to say I don't own up to any wrong-doings, or pay attention to my conscience and the Holy Spirit to avoid doing wrong. But I don't stay there. I mess up. I say sorry. I move on and pray that next time, I catch myself earlier in the process.<br /><br />And, as in other things, hopefully I model this for my kiddos and help them identify and reject any shame-based labels they might take on and help them see that we do the right thing out of love, not to avoid guilt.<br /><br />I hope this doesn't sound like a rant, I'm very passionate! See, I reject the guilt I'm feeling for being too wordy and too strong in my opinions. I embrace my passionate nature! And I ask for grace from and extend grace to anyone who might be offended by any of my comments. :)<br /><br />Thanks so much Lesa for a thought-provoking post, as always! <br /><br />Love, anjanjhttp://www.butevenif.comnoreply@blogger.com